I don't think that I ever shared with anyone all the events of that day....but maybe I did and I just don't remember.....but since the whole reason I started this blog was to share as I was in LeadTime, I thought I would share my essay I wrote that LeadTime inspired :-) Hope you enjoy!
Seconds after I woke up that morning, I had a pit of dread in my stomach. Today was the day I was to hike through the forest in the middle of nowhere Arkansas. I didn’t want to. I had been told to make sure I was prepared and ready for a physically demanding day. It was “staycation” week, and every day the group I was a part of participated in a different activity. I was quite content with the movie day, the beach day and the breakfast buffet morning but what kind of people like to take a difficult hike through the woods on vacation? I wanted to relax. Not use muscles I didn’t know I had and still others that hadn’t been used in years. But I had made a commitment, and I was going to follow through even if it killed me. So, with water in hand, Chaco’s on feet, and a good stock of Ibuprofen in my pocket, my bad attitude and I started the hike through an Arkansas trail. I didn’t know it when I left but something I brought with me was not going to return back to civilization.
The hike started out as I anticipated. I walked along with *Kate, one of my little sisters in the program I was working for. We decided to put all of our things into one bag take turns carrying it, rather than both carrying a bag all the way. I used the opportunity to teach Kate a life lesson about friendship and carrying each other’s burdens. She thought it was corny. At least she told me she thought it was corny. Something in my heart softened when I heard my words though, as if they were not my own, and I am certain that something was stirred in her as well. Maybe this hiking thing wasn’t going to be awful after all.
As Kate and I hiked, switching the bag back and forth between us, her enthusiasm for what she was experiencing was humbling. She found beauty in the trees, the water, the bright blue sky and even the rocky terrain that was not always being kind to us. I enjoyed listening to her excitement. She was what most would call “troubled” which was why she was there in the first place, and I was supposed to be there to help her. I was there to be her Big Sister. My goal was to guide her towards the ability to have a better attitude and deal with her emotions in a better way then she had when she was home with her family. I was humbled because here I was groaning and not dealing well, and she put a smile on her face and took it for what it was. Appreciated it and drank it in, knowing it was worth the effort. I was learning from her and in the moment she had no idea what a profound teacher and positive influence she had become. Just by being herself.
Two hours into the woods and halfway through our hike we arrived at what was named the “Indian Rockhouse.” It was a huge open concept cave that centuries ago, native tribes lived in. It was one of the most incredible things I have ever witnessed in my life. We ate lunch on the dirt floor and then spent time exploring the caves, waterfalls and structure of the entire “Rockhouse.” Before too long I found myself acting like a child. I was laughing and climbing, getting completely full of mud and exploring without hesitation. I am not sure if it was my exhaustion, the absolute beauty of the place or Kate’s tender excited heart that caused me to let loose. It was probably the combination, but either way I decided to give in and go with it! How often does one have an opportunity to explore a cave deep in the middle of the Arkansas wilderness? It wasn’t likely I would ever be back there again and I realized in that moment how beautiful an opportunity I had been blessed with. I didn’t want to miss one more minute buried in my frustration of having to step out of my comfort zone.
Our next stop was what I can only describe as a piece of Eden. We hiked up a narrow mountain like path that led us to the most incredible water fall. It towered above and glistened in the sun like crystal. It was so majestic I got the sense that this waterfall had a personality all its own. It was tall, strong and confident, yet just as inviting and warm as a mother’s soft embrace. I soaked in the beauty of the moment and the joy of seeing my sisters, both big and little, give themselves over to Mother Nature and her majesty. We played in the cool refreshing water and took turns posing for the camera, each of us aware, without any words being exchanged, that the moment we were sharing was one none of us would ever forget. I could have stayed in that place forever.
The day was starting to disappear though and it was time to start the hike back. The idea of the day ending made me sad. Sad I thought? Didn’t I start this day with dread hoping it would never have to happen, and now I was sad it was ending? As we started back Kate had run off to hike with one of her friends and I was happy to have the time without conversation. I was surrounded with the people who know me best in this world but I walked the trail alone. I am sure they sensed it was a “me” moment and gave me the freedom to have it. I was able to find perfect solitude, surrounded by perfect love and acceptance as I hiked out of the woods. I thought about what I felt when I had woken up, the dread I experienced and then how little by little my heart opened up and before I knew it I had become a child again. How then, and only then, was I able to really see and appreciate the beauty of what I had first viewed as daunting and frustrating.
My trusty Chaco’s were no longer green, I was covered in mud and sweat from head to toe, and I definitely needed the ibuprofen I had tucked in my pocket, but as I started to see the woods thinning and we were almost back at the trail head, I knew that I had spent the day exactly where I needed to be. Deep in the woods, a million miles away from who I thought I was, a million miles away from all I found comfortable and familiar. It was the only way I was going to lose something I had tried to hold onto but ultimately didn’t have the power to. The perfect combination of innocence, beauty, exhaustion and mud built my character that day and no longer did my heart have room for a selfish attitude interested in only my comfort. It went down with a fight, but a not so pretty piece of my heart had surrendered to the rugged Arkansas terrain that day, and I am forever grateful that it did.
*named changed
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