Trust in the LORD and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
And your judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him;
Yup there is it! Took me a few months to get it but I finally got it! :)
I have been so focused on how to get out of here and what I am going to do when I leave that I have lost the beauty behind why the Lord led me home in the first place......to dwell in this land, for this time, and to cultivate faithfulness.
There is no question that it has been and probably will continue to be difficult to be here. But I need to remember that sorrow and suffering are companions that my sweet Lord has picked for me with purpose and intent....that intent, although much deeper then I understand I am sure, can all be wrap up in a short little statement....the cultivation of my faith.
I am a dictionary.com addict (lol) and after I was reading this verse today and "got it" I had to look up cultivate. The definition is "to prepare and work on (land) in order to raise crops." WOW....in this case I think land could be replaced with heart.
The next part of the verse--Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart--has been a favorite of mine for years. In light of the verse before it though, and what it now means for me I like it even more. The Lord is preparing and working on me, cultivating me, getting me ready for some sort of crop again lol :) And as I surrender to Him and just let Him do the work that needs done on my heart He will give me the desires of my heart. Exciting!!
The next part that really stuck out to me, even though the whole thing was awesome, is the last part that says REST in the Lord and wait PATIENTLY for Him. I have been doing everything BUT resting, trying to figure out the perfect plan for what is next. Should I go here, should I go there, what country, what city...aaaaahhhhhhhh! I am driving myself crazy lol.
All He wants me to do is REST in the truth of who He is...........allow the CULTIVATING to take place as I seek Him and literally dwell here lol........and trust that my He will GIVE me the desires of my heart....what an amazing Father I have :)
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Better Late Then Never
For a lot of my year at Doulos, the Lord spoke to me about going for counseling. Even though I wanted to, there were many excuses I came up with for not going. I never got around to it...
Turns out I have access to free counseling through work. If that aint a clearcut sign I dont know what is! I was a lot more intimidated to call and do my "intake" then I thought I would be. I am usually not to afraid to share if someone asks, but I really do have fear about this. I know the Lord will use it for His glory and my benefit. It will be painful I am sure but anything worth fighting for is not easy.
My intake consisted of my name, DOB, and company name. LOL....and I was intimidated. Oh boy lol. The actual counselor will call me within a few days to set up an actual appointment. We shall see how this goes....
Turns out I have access to free counseling through work. If that aint a clearcut sign I dont know what is! I was a lot more intimidated to call and do my "intake" then I thought I would be. I am usually not to afraid to share if someone asks, but I really do have fear about this. I know the Lord will use it for His glory and my benefit. It will be painful I am sure but anything worth fighting for is not easy.
My intake consisted of my name, DOB, and company name. LOL....and I was intimidated. Oh boy lol. The actual counselor will call me within a few days to set up an actual appointment. We shall see how this goes....
Monday, November 16, 2009
Cozy Comfy
Last week, sort of out of nowhere, I got this idea in my head that I was going to move into the spare bedroom in my parents basement. Since I have been home, I have slept in the rec room. What I didnt realize was that in a lot of ways that was not a good situation. I had never really settled in, didnt have my own space really and didnt feel like I was surrounded by my own things. I didnt know it was bothering me until I was just about moved in.
I spent two days emptying the bedroom, reorganzing the rec room with all the things from the bedroom, painting the bedroom and then moving my things in. And it looks amazing! I have my own space, my own closet lol, my own little sanctuary where I can just be. I can just be still before the Lord and wait on Him. I have a "prayer closet" again and it has done amazing things in my heart.
Being home is still hard, still a struggle, yet I am so thankful for this roof over my head and now my own room, my own space and my little refuge form the world. Thank you Lord for the many blessings.
I spent two days emptying the bedroom, reorganzing the rec room with all the things from the bedroom, painting the bedroom and then moving my things in. And it looks amazing! I have my own space, my own closet lol, my own little sanctuary where I can just be. I can just be still before the Lord and wait on Him. I have a "prayer closet" again and it has done amazing things in my heart.
Being home is still hard, still a struggle, yet I am so thankful for this roof over my head and now my own room, my own space and my little refuge form the world. Thank you Lord for the many blessings.
The pic really doesnt do it justice!! I should have taken a "before" because it looks soo much better!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Catching the Wave!!
I am going on a cruise!!!
March 6-13 2010 I will be on a cruise ship that will be leaving Ft. Lauderdale FL, going to the Grand Caymen Islands, Roatan Honduras, Cozumel Mexico, Princess Cays Bahamas and then back to Florida! I am SSOOO excited!!
Not only is it a cruise though! There will be a conference with Heidi Baker and her husband. Heidi and her husband Roland have worked in Mozambique Africa for several years and run two orphanages. It will be incredible to hear them speak for a week and sit under their ministry..
AND...even more then that the group that registers to be a part of the conference will have the opportunity to participate in an outreach while the ship is docked in Honduras!! I am SO pumped!
March 6-13 2010 I will be on a cruise ship that will be leaving Ft. Lauderdale FL, going to the Grand Caymen Islands, Roatan Honduras, Cozumel Mexico, Princess Cays Bahamas and then back to Florida! I am SSOOO excited!!
Not only is it a cruise though! There will be a conference with Heidi Baker and her husband. Heidi and her husband Roland have worked in Mozambique Africa for several years and run two orphanages. It will be incredible to hear them speak for a week and sit under their ministry..
AND...even more then that the group that registers to be a part of the conference will have the opportunity to participate in an outreach while the ship is docked in Honduras!! I am SO pumped!
Provision
The week before I went to Toronto I had two interviews at the agency I currently work for. I got a call only a few days later to let me know that I was not the succesful candidate for the 3 contracts I had interviewed for....BUT...because of other people moving to different jobs, it created an opening for a temporary full time contract that I was offered! YAY!
I was not feeling completely ok with taking a contract that I knew was going to last for a year or longer (the contracts I did not get), so being offered this temporary contract is perfect. I feel alot more ok with leaving in the spring having not signed any sort of time specific contract....and I can work full time until I leave!
Just another testament to how awesome God is! I have been provided full time income without being tied down!
I was not feeling completely ok with taking a contract that I knew was going to last for a year or longer (the contracts I did not get), so being offered this temporary contract is perfect. I feel alot more ok with leaving in the spring having not signed any sort of time specific contract....and I can work full time until I leave!
Just another testament to how awesome God is! I have been provided full time income without being tied down!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Refreshment
I am so thankful that the Lord knows exactly what I need, exactly when I need it!
I had a great time in Sarnia and Toronto last week and in a lot of ways had hope restored to my heart.
First and definitly most beneficial I was able to spend a lot of time with Jesus. There were literally hours of time set aside at the conference I attended to just be in His presence. Although as a believer I strive to spend time in His presense daily, reality is that doesnt always happen. It was great....I was encouraged and the spark of hope in my heart regained some strength.
I was also able to spend time in community. Hard to believe, and not very healthy, but something I have not done since LeadTime was done. I had conversations about what the Lord is doing in my life and the life of others, good laughs, encouragment and even some very honest feedback on my scattered thought process of what to do next. Namely--DONT move back to Sarnia! LOL--I was thankful that people love me and appreciate my journey enough to be honest with me and share wisdom. It would be easy to go back to safety, but safe is not neccesarily what is best and what the Lord wants for me.
Another thing was good for me last week was just being out of Northern Ontario. I grew up here and a part of my heart will always love and appreciate this place, it is my home. But, it doesnt seem to really fit who I am anymore.
It was a great trip and exactly what I needed!
I had a great time in Sarnia and Toronto last week and in a lot of ways had hope restored to my heart.
First and definitly most beneficial I was able to spend a lot of time with Jesus. There were literally hours of time set aside at the conference I attended to just be in His presence. Although as a believer I strive to spend time in His presense daily, reality is that doesnt always happen. It was great....I was encouraged and the spark of hope in my heart regained some strength.
I was also able to spend time in community. Hard to believe, and not very healthy, but something I have not done since LeadTime was done. I had conversations about what the Lord is doing in my life and the life of others, good laughs, encouragment and even some very honest feedback on my scattered thought process of what to do next. Namely--DONT move back to Sarnia! LOL--I was thankful that people love me and appreciate my journey enough to be honest with me and share wisdom. It would be easy to go back to safety, but safe is not neccesarily what is best and what the Lord wants for me.
Another thing was good for me last week was just being out of Northern Ontario. I grew up here and a part of my heart will always love and appreciate this place, it is my home. But, it doesnt seem to really fit who I am anymore.
It was a great trip and exactly what I needed!
Saturday, October 3, 2009
wee little update
I have been home from LeadTime for 33 days, and I think it is just starting to sink in. It's incredible to me how fast time can fly! It seems like just yesterday since I first came across the Shelterwood website...and that was two years ago!
When I first got home, I took a week and tried to settle in. I could have gone back to work right away but on the advice of my incredible boss, I waited. I tried to rest. I couldnt. I guess its hard to immediately switch over from insane long hours to a more normal lifestyle! It was an incredibly productive week though. I spent two days putting all my things into one storage place (they had been stored in two different places), and at the same time I went through everything to get rid of junk that I did not need. It was fun because I forgot about a lot of really nice things I own and it sort of felt like Christmas. It was also good for a laugh because I kept some pretty ridiculous things lol.....it felt good to to de-clutter and get rid of stuff.....I felt it reflected in a lot of ways partly what LeadTime had been for me....throwing out a bunch of junk I was holding onto!
Today I am at work, and there is not one single resident here. It is soo quiet but so nice!! Since I started back we have been really busy. I think that has been a blessing in disguise for me because it has eased the transition a bit. But today I spend the day with me and my Lord. I have some books, my journal and a goal of organizing my thoughts. According to a "Strengths Finder" test we did at LT once, my #1 strength is "Intellection" which basically means I am a thinker and to spend a day with my thoughts is going to be glorious!! lol...it can also be my biggest weakness though!
When I first got home, I took a week and tried to settle in. I could have gone back to work right away but on the advice of my incredible boss, I waited. I tried to rest. I couldnt. I guess its hard to immediately switch over from insane long hours to a more normal lifestyle! It was an incredibly productive week though. I spent two days putting all my things into one storage place (they had been stored in two different places), and at the same time I went through everything to get rid of junk that I did not need. It was fun because I forgot about a lot of really nice things I own and it sort of felt like Christmas. It was also good for a laugh because I kept some pretty ridiculous things lol.....it felt good to to de-clutter and get rid of stuff.....I felt it reflected in a lot of ways partly what LeadTime had been for me....throwing out a bunch of junk I was holding onto!
Today I am at work, and there is not one single resident here. It is soo quiet but so nice!! Since I started back we have been really busy. I think that has been a blessing in disguise for me because it has eased the transition a bit. But today I spend the day with me and my Lord. I have some books, my journal and a goal of organizing my thoughts. According to a "Strengths Finder" test we did at LT once, my #1 strength is "Intellection" which basically means I am a thinker and to spend a day with my thoughts is going to be glorious!! lol...it can also be my biggest weakness though!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
A few years ago during a really hard, and nearly hopeless time in my life I attended a service at a little church in Sarnia that had a guest speaking on prophecy. He picked me out in the crowd and asked if he could share what he felt the Lord wanted to share with me. I am always up for hearing from the Lord, so I agreed. He said some pretty amazing things that only could have come from the Lord, but the thing that sticks out to me the most is “your coming alive to thrive.” I didnt……actually I couldnt, understand what that meant at that time. I only knew that something, somewhere inside of me was screaming to come alive and the thought that it was about to thrilled me beyond what any words can describe.
When I didnt wake up the next day a different person I was disappointed. I wanted life to change that instant. What I didnt realize then is that the Lord wanted to refine me and challenge me…to build my character and teach me on the journey. Not to bring me to the destination immediately. In that, there would have been no depth or root to the life that the Lord was birthing in me.
Nearly two years after this experience LeadTime started. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I first came here but now as the experience is about to come to an end I am realizing that this experience is what the Lord has used to bring life to my heart. I will leave here and continue to grow and deepen my relationship with him, this is defintily not the end of the adventure, but the intensity of this year, the intesity of this experience has been like a spiritual defibrillator for my heart.
I dont where I am going from here yet, but what I do know is that I am leaving with a passion for life like I never had and never knew I was capable of. I am excited for what the Lord has for me and and am so thankful that He has brought me to a place where I can truly appreciate life and soar while enjoying it!!
This song has summed it up pretty well for me….
This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life
I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions
No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something
Take me all the way
When I didnt wake up the next day a different person I was disappointed. I wanted life to change that instant. What I didnt realize then is that the Lord wanted to refine me and challenge me…to build my character and teach me on the journey. Not to bring me to the destination immediately. In that, there would have been no depth or root to the life that the Lord was birthing in me.
Nearly two years after this experience LeadTime started. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I first came here but now as the experience is about to come to an end I am realizing that this experience is what the Lord has used to bring life to my heart. I will leave here and continue to grow and deepen my relationship with him, this is defintily not the end of the adventure, but the intensity of this year, the intesity of this experience has been like a spiritual defibrillator for my heart.
I dont where I am going from here yet, but what I do know is that I am leaving with a passion for life like I never had and never knew I was capable of. I am excited for what the Lord has for me and and am so thankful that He has brought me to a place where I can truly appreciate life and soar while enjoying it!!
This song has summed it up pretty well for me….
This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life
I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions
No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something
Take me all the way
I really am not sure how to express what I am feeling right now. Recently the Lord has done amazing things in me and as I embrace the change I am surprised at the depth of my heart. I struggle with putting words to the things happening because they have never happened to me before so I have never had to identify them. LIfe is intense, more intense then I ever realized before. And although it can be incredibly hard, I like this new unchartered territory. Its thrilling…and finally, worth living.
I did not realize until a few weeks ago, and even more recently its become real, that I have not felt safe for a long time. There could be many reasons why but I am not going to try and analyze and figure that out at this point. I am just going to let the Lord show that to me as He choses. It could be overwhelming if I try take steps in that before He guides me.
The last few days I have been keenly aware of situations in which I feel incredibly uncomfortable and fearful. From the words I use you would think that I have been mugged or something. But, that is not the case at all. The situation I remember most vividly at this point is sitting in chapel last Wednesday. I was sitting between Kelly and Megan, both of whom are in my discipleship group for LeadTime. We had actually just come from meeting where we had shared our hearts and lives with each other and I had been very vulnerable. Sharing a piece of my heart I have not shared for many years. Logically I know I can trust these ladies. And trust them deeply. But sitting in between them that day I felt very unsafe and not free to worship. It had nothing to do with them. In my brokenness and uncertainty I was trying desperately to get my shell back on. Desperately to hide. The Lord spoke to my heart and said, “dont worry, you are safe.” Instantly I was relieved of my prison and I felt the presence of the Lord in an awesome powerful way. My walls meant to keep people out were broken through and to my surprise it allowed the Lord to come in more fully. It was incredible.
Since that day I am very aware of my times that I feel unsafe. At church this morning in worship again I had to fight off my feelings of fear and allow the Lord to bring me safety and peace. It was a good time of worship. Then during communion without even realizing it I rebuilt my wall and to a certain degree “played the part.” The person serving communion was Jim, an employee of Doulos, and a dear servant of the Lord, again someone I know I can trust. I know has my best interest at heart. In a beautiful moment of him serving me communion, I built my wall.
So I continue to struggle. But I am so thankful because I am now aware of times that I rebuild. And even more exciting then that I am aware of depth and intensity of emotion and life on the other side of my walls. I used to not be aware of what awaited me. Not even a little. I had no clue. The Lord has been gracious in slowly opening the door and letting me test the waters of true life. True abundant life in Him. Life has not been all bad in the last ten years that I have know my Lord. But I cant ever go back now that I’ve seen what I have been missing. Now that I know there is something more.
I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.
John 10:10 The Message
I did not realize until a few weeks ago, and even more recently its become real, that I have not felt safe for a long time. There could be many reasons why but I am not going to try and analyze and figure that out at this point. I am just going to let the Lord show that to me as He choses. It could be overwhelming if I try take steps in that before He guides me.
The last few days I have been keenly aware of situations in which I feel incredibly uncomfortable and fearful. From the words I use you would think that I have been mugged or something. But, that is not the case at all. The situation I remember most vividly at this point is sitting in chapel last Wednesday. I was sitting between Kelly and Megan, both of whom are in my discipleship group for LeadTime. We had actually just come from meeting where we had shared our hearts and lives with each other and I had been very vulnerable. Sharing a piece of my heart I have not shared for many years. Logically I know I can trust these ladies. And trust them deeply. But sitting in between them that day I felt very unsafe and not free to worship. It had nothing to do with them. In my brokenness and uncertainty I was trying desperately to get my shell back on. Desperately to hide. The Lord spoke to my heart and said, “dont worry, you are safe.” Instantly I was relieved of my prison and I felt the presence of the Lord in an awesome powerful way. My walls meant to keep people out were broken through and to my surprise it allowed the Lord to come in more fully. It was incredible.
Since that day I am very aware of my times that I feel unsafe. At church this morning in worship again I had to fight off my feelings of fear and allow the Lord to bring me safety and peace. It was a good time of worship. Then during communion without even realizing it I rebuilt my wall and to a certain degree “played the part.” The person serving communion was Jim, an employee of Doulos, and a dear servant of the Lord, again someone I know I can trust. I know has my best interest at heart. In a beautiful moment of him serving me communion, I built my wall.
So I continue to struggle. But I am so thankful because I am now aware of times that I rebuild. And even more exciting then that I am aware of depth and intensity of emotion and life on the other side of my walls. I used to not be aware of what awaited me. Not even a little. I had no clue. The Lord has been gracious in slowly opening the door and letting me test the waters of true life. True abundant life in Him. Life has not been all bad in the last ten years that I have know my Lord. But I cant ever go back now that I’ve seen what I have been missing. Now that I know there is something more.
I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.
John 10:10 The Message
New Building Awesomeness!
We are officially moved into the new building (with alot of organizing left to do) and I am officially exhausted! Next Monday when we have our first LeadTime class in our new classroom it will all be worth it! And the first time I settle onto the new couch in our new library with a book I will be so thanksful! I am already am so thankful!!
Its also been a really intense week emotionally. The Lord has really been pressing some things in my life, getting me to a place that I am going to have another growth spurt I remember when I was a kid my brother used to have periods of about two weeks where he was in awful pain to the point he could barely stand it. Eventually the pain would subside and it seemed as though just a day later he was a few inches taller. Thats what I feel my life in the last few months has been. The pains of growing are intense and almost unbearable sometimes but I am standing a few inches taller already. And soon enough I will be a few more inches taller The growing pains hurt this time, but I am excited to see the growth that will come. I am anxious to be in a place where I can soar just a little bit higher. God is so gracious and truly amazing the He has refined me and continues to do so.
One thing I feel I just need to mention is the incredible weather we are currently having. I am so excited about the 65 degree weather!! In January!! HAHA…sorry to all my Canadian ca padres lol…but I just gotta say its incredible and I am so blessed!
Thanks for joining me on my journey! Much love!
Its also been a really intense week emotionally. The Lord has really been pressing some things in my life, getting me to a place that I am going to have another growth spurt I remember when I was a kid my brother used to have periods of about two weeks where he was in awful pain to the point he could barely stand it. Eventually the pain would subside and it seemed as though just a day later he was a few inches taller. Thats what I feel my life in the last few months has been. The pains of growing are intense and almost unbearable sometimes but I am standing a few inches taller already. And soon enough I will be a few more inches taller The growing pains hurt this time, but I am excited to see the growth that will come. I am anxious to be in a place where I can soar just a little bit higher. God is so gracious and truly amazing the He has refined me and continues to do so.
One thing I feel I just need to mention is the incredible weather we are currently having. I am so excited about the 65 degree weather!! In January!! HAHA…sorry to all my Canadian ca padres lol…but I just gotta say its incredible and I am so blessed!
Thanks for joining me on my journey! Much love!
Rare
In a rare occasion of a free moment I thought, hey why dont I blog about something?
I am sitting in the living room with Claire and one little sister. Everyone else is off doing something. Very weird how quiet it is but its nice!
We worked on moving into the new building today. We should be in by good on Thursday. So exciting! Its such a nice building and the LeadTime classroom is so much better then what we have been using. Its going to be amazing! I will post some pics when I can.
Well, it seems things are about to get busy again…so I shall go for now!
I am sitting in the living room with Claire and one little sister. Everyone else is off doing something. Very weird how quiet it is but its nice!
We worked on moving into the new building today. We should be in by good on Thursday. So exciting! Its such a nice building and the LeadTime classroom is so much better then what we have been using. Its going to be amazing! I will post some pics when I can.
Well, it seems things are about to get busy again…so I shall go for now!
Whats Happenin'
Today I am sooo happy to be back at Doulos. Its been a couple days since I got back but I guess it took me those couple days to really realized that I am in fact back and will be able to finish my LeadTime year. Its already been hard, and thats not surprizing but I have such a deep appreciation for being here I cant even begin to explain!
Saturday we are going to have room changes. What this means is that the girls that are in my room will no longer be my “primary littles.” I will be in a new room with new girls. Its an exciting time but also a time of uncertainty for Bigs but especially for Littles. Please keep us in prayer as we make this transition.
We are also anxiously awaiting the ok from the fire marshall and county to move into our new building! The LeadTime classroom is going to be amazing and such a blessing! We will have alot of work when we get the ok to move in but it will be worth it!
So, there are alot of changes right now, and just when we were getting comfortble things are starting to get turned upside down again! But its good….keeps us on our toes and always growing!
Saturday we are going to have room changes. What this means is that the girls that are in my room will no longer be my “primary littles.” I will be in a new room with new girls. Its an exciting time but also a time of uncertainty for Bigs but especially for Littles. Please keep us in prayer as we make this transition.
We are also anxiously awaiting the ok from the fire marshall and county to move into our new building! The LeadTime classroom is going to be amazing and such a blessing! We will have alot of work when we get the ok to move in but it will be worth it!
So, there are alot of changes right now, and just when we were getting comfortble things are starting to get turned upside down again! But its good….keeps us on our toes and always growing!
Ever since I found out my visa to be in the States was denied I have lived in a certain amount of fear. Even though scripture teaches, command even, pretty clearly that we are not to fear, I found myself trying to climb out of a very slippery cave of intense and very real fear. Real to me anyway.
There are many more lessons that I need to learn from that experience I am sure. Some that at this point, I cant even imagine. The Lord continues to open my eyes a little more all the time as to why I had to go through that and continue to struggle with it. Part of the reason I believe is that He wants to show me that I need to start trusting in Him more. What that looks like? I dont know, but I am sure it will be exciting to find out as I continue to wrestle through it.
After all the fear and anxiety, I got back across the border into the States on Sunday afternoon with no problems. The border guard wanted to know where I was going, what I was doing and asked to see the letter that Doulos gave me. After that he was satisfied and sent me on my way. It was amazing and I cried. Out of relief and joy, I cried. And then I sent a text to pretty much every one I know!
So I am back in Branson, ready for the next part of this journey. Things are different then they were before I left for Christmas. Aubrey and Hannah are gone and 3 new Bigs, Diena, Megan and Emily are joining us this week. I am really excited for them and what they will bring to our team. As well as how the Lord will work in their lives and hearts. Awesome stuff to witness! Things are also different because we are different. Not only am I a different person then when I arrived here in August, everyone else is different to. Its good though. We have grown through those differences together and grown to love one another in ways I never knew existed. The Lord is truly amazing.
There are many more lessons that I need to learn from that experience I am sure. Some that at this point, I cant even imagine. The Lord continues to open my eyes a little more all the time as to why I had to go through that and continue to struggle with it. Part of the reason I believe is that He wants to show me that I need to start trusting in Him more. What that looks like? I dont know, but I am sure it will be exciting to find out as I continue to wrestle through it.
After all the fear and anxiety, I got back across the border into the States on Sunday afternoon with no problems. The border guard wanted to know where I was going, what I was doing and asked to see the letter that Doulos gave me. After that he was satisfied and sent me on my way. It was amazing and I cried. Out of relief and joy, I cried. And then I sent a text to pretty much every one I know!
So I am back in Branson, ready for the next part of this journey. Things are different then they were before I left for Christmas. Aubrey and Hannah are gone and 3 new Bigs, Diena, Megan and Emily are joining us this week. I am really excited for them and what they will bring to our team. As well as how the Lord will work in their lives and hearts. Awesome stuff to witness! Things are also different because we are different. Not only am I a different person then when I arrived here in August, everyone else is different to. Its good though. We have grown through those differences together and grown to love one another in ways I never knew existed. The Lord is truly amazing.
New Year, New Depth
This year has by far been the most intense of my life. It started in January when I followed Gods call on my life to move back to Matheson from Sarnia after being there for 5 years. Where I spent 6 months before I left for Branson MO to start a discipleship program, LeadTime.
December 27 marked 10 years that I have been following Jesus! I have grown a whole lot in those ten years, as I have sought answers, navigated life and added a few more greys then I would care to admit Without a doubt I have done most of my growing in the last year, especially in the last six months.
There are alot of reasons I say this but the most obvious to me, and most understandable to others is love, and what I have experienced when it comes to “true love” as spoken of in scripture.
In scripture Jesus prays that people will know “us,” as in his followers by our love. I have always heard/known this scripture and its always had some truth behind it for me, but never in the way it does now.
Not long after I started LeadTime I started to feel with a much deeper intensity then I have ever felt in my entire life. At first it was scary to me. I had never experienced it and to me it was unknown and foreign. I developed a deep love for the girls in my room, the Bigs I was sharing my life with and everyone else at Doulos. Even people I dont really know, on some level I became aware of a love that I have for them, simply, because like me they love and follow The Master.
Then came the opportunity to see old friends I had known since the beginning of my walk. I love these people. Yet, never had I felt the love for them that I did now. Incredible! The more I fall in love with Jesus and get a clearer picture of who is He and what He is all about the more my heart opens and the more love keeps spilling out. And I love it!! HAHA
December 27 marked 10 years that I have been following Jesus! I have grown a whole lot in those ten years, as I have sought answers, navigated life and added a few more greys then I would care to admit Without a doubt I have done most of my growing in the last year, especially in the last six months.
There are alot of reasons I say this but the most obvious to me, and most understandable to others is love, and what I have experienced when it comes to “true love” as spoken of in scripture.
In scripture Jesus prays that people will know “us,” as in his followers by our love. I have always heard/known this scripture and its always had some truth behind it for me, but never in the way it does now.
Not long after I started LeadTime I started to feel with a much deeper intensity then I have ever felt in my entire life. At first it was scary to me. I had never experienced it and to me it was unknown and foreign. I developed a deep love for the girls in my room, the Bigs I was sharing my life with and everyone else at Doulos. Even people I dont really know, on some level I became aware of a love that I have for them, simply, because like me they love and follow The Master.
Then came the opportunity to see old friends I had known since the beginning of my walk. I love these people. Yet, never had I felt the love for them that I did now. Incredible! The more I fall in love with Jesus and get a clearer picture of who is He and what He is all about the more my heart opens and the more love keeps spilling out. And I love it!! HAHA
Learning To Trust Is Hard
Well Christmas in Matheson is just about over. I have been home for 6 days and it has flown by so fast! On Thursday I am going to leave and go to Sarnia and be there until Sunday afternoon when I take the Greyhound from Detroit. I was originally going to take the bus straight through and cross the border at Fort Erie Buffalo but I felt like I wanted to cross at Sarnia in case anything happens I am close to home. So, because that was going to put me back on property a day late, I talked to Amy, she cleared it with the house directors and I am all good to go. I have to admit that the added bonus of seeing even more of my friends this way is really exciting to me. I will also get to visit my home church which, although I thought I would be ok without, I think its going to do my heart alot of good
I am still not totally sure what is going to happen when I try and cross the border. This visa denial has been quite the journey and I have realized alot of things about myself through it. Most disturbing is that I dont think I trust God as much as I thought I did. I have alot of fear and anxiety about crossing and am finding it really hard to believe that God could get me across with no problems and that if He wants me across with no problems it will happen.
I have always been the type of person that in these situations I am organized, have what I need and probably extra and always have my bases covered. I have even prided myself on the fact that I am always well prepared and well prepared in advance. The fact that it just doenst seem possible to do that in this situation has been really stretching for me. I am upset that I cant have that control, frustrated that I dont know what the outcome will be, and probably a little mad at God because He wants me to trust in a way I have never trusted before and that SCARES me sooo bad!!!
I really hope that through this the Lord brings me to the next level of trust in Him. The process of getting there is tough and scary but I know at this point I cant even begin to imagine how incredible! And what adventures He may send me on from there!
I am still not totally sure what is going to happen when I try and cross the border. This visa denial has been quite the journey and I have realized alot of things about myself through it. Most disturbing is that I dont think I trust God as much as I thought I did. I have alot of fear and anxiety about crossing and am finding it really hard to believe that God could get me across with no problems and that if He wants me across with no problems it will happen.
I have always been the type of person that in these situations I am organized, have what I need and probably extra and always have my bases covered. I have even prided myself on the fact that I am always well prepared and well prepared in advance. The fact that it just doenst seem possible to do that in this situation has been really stretching for me. I am upset that I cant have that control, frustrated that I dont know what the outcome will be, and probably a little mad at God because He wants me to trust in a way I have never trusted before and that SCARES me sooo bad!!!
I really hope that through this the Lord brings me to the next level of trust in Him. The process of getting there is tough and scary but I know at this point I cant even begin to imagine how incredible! And what adventures He may send me on from there!
A Little Update
It has been a crazy couple of weeks!!! Wait a minute….I take that back…its always crazy around here! After Thanksgiving serve project was over I headed north to Excelsior Springs to the CCM Leadership Summit. I was so excited to go and spend a weekend with some of my Canadian friends, some American friends but most of all old friends who know me so well. Friday morning “Building Project” was near torture as I looked at the time every ten minutes so anxious to get on the road!
But I finally did and made it to my destination at 530 with no complications. It was honestly a really hard weekend but a really good weekend. The Lord is talking to me about so many things, many which are painful to walk through and deal with but I am so thankful for it. Being here, in this place has put in a position to deal with things and deal with them well. It was also an amazing weekend with friends and in the presence of the Lord. Several people commented that not only was I looking good physically but that after many years of having a “slouch about me” I was walking with confidence with my head up. That felt really good to hear from people who know me and love me so well.
When I arrived back at Doulos I found out the amazing news that two of the Little Sisters in the house made decisions to be followers of Jesus over the weekend!!! Thank you LORD!!!!
It was an incredible weekend all in all and I although it was a little hard to see my fellow Canucks drive the other way down the road, I am so glad to be back at Doulos in the midst of all the amazing things happening here.
But I finally did and made it to my destination at 530 with no complications. It was honestly a really hard weekend but a really good weekend. The Lord is talking to me about so many things, many which are painful to walk through and deal with but I am so thankful for it. Being here, in this place has put in a position to deal with things and deal with them well. It was also an amazing weekend with friends and in the presence of the Lord. Several people commented that not only was I looking good physically but that after many years of having a “slouch about me” I was walking with confidence with my head up. That felt really good to hear from people who know me and love me so well.
When I arrived back at Doulos I found out the amazing news that two of the Little Sisters in the house made decisions to be followers of Jesus over the weekend!!! Thank you LORD!!!!
It was an incredible weekend all in all and I although it was a little hard to see my fellow Canucks drive the other way down the road, I am so glad to be back at Doulos in the midst of all the amazing things happening here.
Thanksgiving Serve Week
This week is Thanksgiving serve project at Doulos. The Littles are not in school and we are out in the community, as a community, serving.
Today my team put together baskets of food and delivered them to needy families in the area. Tomorrow we will rake peoples yards and Friday we will tear down an old house to get the area ready for a new Habitat for Humanity Home.
I have to admit that going into this week my attitude was not the best. We will spend alot more time with Littles then normal this week and wont have our regular free time in the afternoons. I didnt like that idea. But today, I had one of the best days I have had since I arrived at Doulos. It was an amazing feeling to be able to minister to people in the community and come together as a group. One of the drops we did I delivered with two boy Littles while everyone else waited in the van (we went a couple at a time so we wouldnt overwhelm people). That drop ended up being so much fun because we got lost in the building, knocked on the wrong door and overall had a really hard time, but it was so funny. It was a great opportunity to spend some time with the guys, as that doesnt really happen very often. It was a great day.
Tomorrow we are off to rake, and I hear from the team that did it today, it was quite the challenge! But I am up to it and cant wait to see what kind of fun and meaningful experiences we have a team tomorrow while we serve the Lord. Exciting stuff!
Oh The Anticipation!!!
I didnt realize how much I was missing home, until it was confirmed that I am going to see several friends from home in a couple weeks. I got soooo excited to see old friends and the anticipation has been overwhelming!!
When I scheduled my weekends off back in September I had no idea that the weekend of the 14th was the weekend that several of my friends would be gathering for a retreat in Missouri. But when I found out that the weekend I booked off “just happened” to be that weekend I decided that I would pack up and go, and then then I got really excited!! And the closer it gets the more excited I get. I had no idea that how much I would be desiring to reconnect with old friends at this time but the Lord knew and I think its just amazing how He worked it all out way before I even knew I would need it. It is going to do my heart so much good!!
When I scheduled my weekends off back in September I had no idea that the weekend of the 14th was the weekend that several of my friends would be gathering for a retreat in Missouri. But when I found out that the weekend I booked off “just happened” to be that weekend I decided that I would pack up and go, and then then I got really excited!! And the closer it gets the more excited I get. I had no idea that how much I would be desiring to reconnect with old friends at this time but the Lord knew and I think its just amazing how He worked it all out way before I even knew I would need it. It is going to do my heart so much good!!
Thoughts from Parent Weekend
December 31, 2008
My first Parents Weekend as Big Sister at Doulos has just concluded. When the weekend started I was very intimidated and nervous about meeting the parents of the girls. I had been chosen to share my testimony on Friday night at dinner for all the parents, LeadTimers, staff and family. I was also very nervous about that!
In order to spend some time with parents and get to know them a little better, the Bigs are assigned to families to eat out with. I was blessed to be able to eat with the families of all three girls in my room. Friday morning I went to breakfast with the first set of parents and my Littles Sisters brother. I really did not know what to expect but it turned out to be really good experience. I gained alot of insight from the parents on their daughters struggles and really felt like it was a God given gift to sit down with them all having a common goal in purpose…to have their daughter grow and molded into Christ’s image. It was awesome.
Lunch proved to be the same thing but exceeded breakfast, which I didnt think that was possible at the time! I ate with family #2 and the conversation was very individual based on the girls it provided alot insight, encouragement and lightbulb moments. The most amazing of this experience was when my Little Sisters Mom looked me right in the eye with so much intention and emotion and said that her and her husband wanted to genuinely thank me and bless me for investing in their daughters life. That they would be praying for me and loved me. WOW…the boost of motivation and love in my heart to pour into these girls went up about 100% at that moment…it was amazing.
The rest of the weekend included more meetings with the parents which was equally amazing and the opportunity to serve in many ways. Last night the Bigs had a night off and we all hung out and relaxed which was awesome Today we all had church together with a sharing time and it was really great to hear the hearts of the parents as they shares how God had worked with them over the weekend.
So now its back to the everyday at Doulos. God has done amazing things in my life through the parents this weekend and I am going back in a few hours renewed, refreshed and having a new perspective of my kids and where they are coming from. I serve an amazing God who just never ceases to amaze me. Thank you Lord that you hold it all in your hands…your incredible <><
My first Parents Weekend as Big Sister at Doulos has just concluded. When the weekend started I was very intimidated and nervous about meeting the parents of the girls. I had been chosen to share my testimony on Friday night at dinner for all the parents, LeadTimers, staff and family. I was also very nervous about that!
In order to spend some time with parents and get to know them a little better, the Bigs are assigned to families to eat out with. I was blessed to be able to eat with the families of all three girls in my room. Friday morning I went to breakfast with the first set of parents and my Littles Sisters brother. I really did not know what to expect but it turned out to be really good experience. I gained alot of insight from the parents on their daughters struggles and really felt like it was a God given gift to sit down with them all having a common goal in purpose…to have their daughter grow and molded into Christ’s image. It was awesome.
Lunch proved to be the same thing but exceeded breakfast, which I didnt think that was possible at the time! I ate with family #2 and the conversation was very individual based on the girls it provided alot insight, encouragement and lightbulb moments. The most amazing of this experience was when my Little Sisters Mom looked me right in the eye with so much intention and emotion and said that her and her husband wanted to genuinely thank me and bless me for investing in their daughters life. That they would be praying for me and loved me. WOW…the boost of motivation and love in my heart to pour into these girls went up about 100% at that moment…it was amazing.
The rest of the weekend included more meetings with the parents which was equally amazing and the opportunity to serve in many ways. Last night the Bigs had a night off and we all hung out and relaxed which was awesome Today we all had church together with a sharing time and it was really great to hear the hearts of the parents as they shares how God had worked with them over the weekend.
So now its back to the everyday at Doulos. God has done amazing things in my life through the parents this weekend and I am going back in a few hours renewed, refreshed and having a new perspective of my kids and where they are coming from. I serve an amazing God who just never ceases to amaze me. Thank you Lord that you hold it all in your hands…your incredible <><
Gods Amazing Provision!
December 31, 2008
Last weekend I was off, and one of the things I needed to take care of was banking. I hadnt checked my balance in a while, and I also hadn’t made a deposit in a while so I knew that I was going to be sort of low. I also knew my credit card was going to need a payment..a big payment lol. I use it here alot because there are alot of places that dont take my canadian debit. So anyway, I knew funds were getting low.
When I signed into my bank online I was expecting somewhere around $100, but wasnt going to be surprized if there was $40 or something …..There was $760!!!!! I was on the phone with my Mom and basically started to freak out!! LOL The day before I had some unemployment put into my account as well as money from work at CMHA, which I am guessing was vacation pay. It was totally unexpected and TOTALLY needed!
I was, and still am, absolutely blown away at how great God is and how He can provide for us! Its awesome. Thank you Lord for taking care of me and loving me in such a special way!
Last weekend I was off, and one of the things I needed to take care of was banking. I hadnt checked my balance in a while, and I also hadn’t made a deposit in a while so I knew that I was going to be sort of low. I also knew my credit card was going to need a payment..a big payment lol. I use it here alot because there are alot of places that dont take my canadian debit. So anyway, I knew funds were getting low.
When I signed into my bank online I was expecting somewhere around $100, but wasnt going to be surprized if there was $40 or something …..There was $760!!!!! I was on the phone with my Mom and basically started to freak out!! LOL The day before I had some unemployment put into my account as well as money from work at CMHA, which I am guessing was vacation pay. It was totally unexpected and TOTALLY needed!
I was, and still am, absolutely blown away at how great God is and how He can provide for us! Its awesome. Thank you Lord for taking care of me and loving me in such a special way!
A Big Gap To Fill
December 31, 2008
Well it has been a long time since I wrote any sort of blog, and so much has happened! I am going to start intentionally trying to be better at blogging, so I can be more effective in keeping friends and family up to date…so stay tuned!
When I arrived on August 18th I felt like I had left half of me back in Sarnia. And the other half back in Matheson! I tried really really hard to be fully engaged in everything that was going on but it was very difficult. It is very safe to say that alot of that was trying to impress the people I had just met and keep it all together. Well, it didnt take long before my defenses got worn down and I realized I was robbing myself, and my community of many things by doing that. It took me a while and with some intentional purpose behind getting involved on a deeper level I did.
Once we moved into the house on property on August 26th it feels like our relationships as LeadTimers has grown every single day. Every day is a struggle of some sort with one of the girls and every day those struggles bring us closer together. It is by far the hardest place I have ever been but also the most rewarding at the same time.
Well it has been a long time since I wrote any sort of blog, and so much has happened! I am going to start intentionally trying to be better at blogging, so I can be more effective in keeping friends and family up to date…so stay tuned!
When I arrived on August 18th I felt like I had left half of me back in Sarnia. And the other half back in Matheson! I tried really really hard to be fully engaged in everything that was going on but it was very difficult. It is very safe to say that alot of that was trying to impress the people I had just met and keep it all together. Well, it didnt take long before my defenses got worn down and I realized I was robbing myself, and my community of many things by doing that. It took me a while and with some intentional purpose behind getting involved on a deeper level I did.
Once we moved into the house on property on August 26th it feels like our relationships as LeadTimers has grown every single day. Every day is a struggle of some sort with one of the girls and every day those struggles bring us closer together. It is by far the hardest place I have ever been but also the most rewarding at the same time.
A Typical Day at LeadTime
An average day in my life:
Depending on what duties I have that day I get up anywhere from 6-7. Mornings consist of meds, chores and a whole lot of girls (18 in total) sharing 4 bathrooms. Ya…its crazy. 750 is roll call for breakfast and we all head down to the dining hall. After breakfast we come back to the house for about 10 minutes to freshen up and then the girls are off to school. From 830-9 we have “Jesus Time”, which I will admit is hard to take advantage of. Its easier to get “housekeeping” stuff done as it seems there is so much to do. After quiet time class/orientation begins at 9am and goes until 12. Lunch is from 12-1 and then we have orientation from 1-230 again. The end of this week will conclude our orientation and we will start regular classes on Monday. That means that we will have from after lunch until 230 off every day…PRAISE THE LORD!!!!
At 230 we have what is called a “Bigs Meeting” and we organize the rest of the day for Littles. Quite often we have to coordinate room groundings, school groundings and work hours. Those are all basically like detention. The Little serve time for things that they need discipline for and we do it right along side them. We work with them and literally “do life” with them. Its cool, but can get tiring after hours and hours of detention. This lasts until 6 pm when we all have supper together. Some days my room is on supper so we are responsible to make supper, serve it and clean up. This is usually a 3 1/2 hour chore and is quite a chore! Myself and my 3 three little sisters that share a room with me do this together. Cooking for 40 plus people the first time was intimidating….but I got good reviews!
After supper there may or may not be more groundings that need to happen. Most people will spend some time outside, hang out in the living room, watch some tv, that kind of thing. This whole time me and my fellow Big sisters are responsible for coordinating everyone. We have to know where everyone is at all times. At 8pm it is study hall time and all the girls have to work on homework. If they are done their homework they can work on counselling assignments, journal or read their bible. Serious stuff teaching discipline…..
At 930 we have what is called room time. It is a time set aside and designated to spend with your room. I have 3 girls in my room, which makes those three girls my Little sisters. At 10 pm everyone has to be in their room, big lights are out at 1030 and reading lights out at 1045. At that point I can either go to bed, spend time with other leadtimers, check my email….or I am assigned “night duty” and have to sit outside the bedrooms until Midnight. This frees up the other Bigs to go do things like I mentioned. And when I am not on night coverage, someone else doing it frees me up……all bigs have to be in their rooms by midnight.
Then its bedtime and we get up to do it all again the next day! Its such an intense schedule!!
Saturdays and Sundays are a little different, and a little more relaxed. We do work projects and still have chores. Church takes up Sunday morning and Sunday afternoon we have a rest hour which is the highlight of my week! All in all…I am pretty busy!
Depending on what duties I have that day I get up anywhere from 6-7. Mornings consist of meds, chores and a whole lot of girls (18 in total) sharing 4 bathrooms. Ya…its crazy. 750 is roll call for breakfast and we all head down to the dining hall. After breakfast we come back to the house for about 10 minutes to freshen up and then the girls are off to school. From 830-9 we have “Jesus Time”, which I will admit is hard to take advantage of. Its easier to get “housekeeping” stuff done as it seems there is so much to do. After quiet time class/orientation begins at 9am and goes until 12. Lunch is from 12-1 and then we have orientation from 1-230 again. The end of this week will conclude our orientation and we will start regular classes on Monday. That means that we will have from after lunch until 230 off every day…PRAISE THE LORD!!!!
At 230 we have what is called a “Bigs Meeting” and we organize the rest of the day for Littles. Quite often we have to coordinate room groundings, school groundings and work hours. Those are all basically like detention. The Little serve time for things that they need discipline for and we do it right along side them. We work with them and literally “do life” with them. Its cool, but can get tiring after hours and hours of detention. This lasts until 6 pm when we all have supper together. Some days my room is on supper so we are responsible to make supper, serve it and clean up. This is usually a 3 1/2 hour chore and is quite a chore! Myself and my 3 three little sisters that share a room with me do this together. Cooking for 40 plus people the first time was intimidating….but I got good reviews!
After supper there may or may not be more groundings that need to happen. Most people will spend some time outside, hang out in the living room, watch some tv, that kind of thing. This whole time me and my fellow Big sisters are responsible for coordinating everyone. We have to know where everyone is at all times. At 8pm it is study hall time and all the girls have to work on homework. If they are done their homework they can work on counselling assignments, journal or read their bible. Serious stuff teaching discipline…..
At 930 we have what is called room time. It is a time set aside and designated to spend with your room. I have 3 girls in my room, which makes those three girls my Little sisters. At 10 pm everyone has to be in their room, big lights are out at 1030 and reading lights out at 1045. At that point I can either go to bed, spend time with other leadtimers, check my email….or I am assigned “night duty” and have to sit outside the bedrooms until Midnight. This frees up the other Bigs to go do things like I mentioned. And when I am not on night coverage, someone else doing it frees me up……all bigs have to be in their rooms by midnight.
Then its bedtime and we get up to do it all again the next day! Its such an intense schedule!!
Saturdays and Sundays are a little different, and a little more relaxed. We do work projects and still have chores. Church takes up Sunday morning and Sunday afternoon we have a rest hour which is the highlight of my week! All in all…I am pretty busy!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
I am leaving tonight for LeadTime! I am leaving from Sarnia at 7pm, then will be in Toronto until tomorrow morning when I catch my flight. I fly to Chicago at 7:10am and from there to Kansas City. Joe and Jenny, two the of LeadTime directors, are meeting a whole group of us at the airport and driving us to Kanukak Kamp ground just down the street from the Branson LeadTime Campus. For the next two weeks the Branson LeadTime gang as well as the Kansas City LeadTime gang are going to train and have orientation together on this campground. Usually the two classes do not train together but they are doing it this way because of contruction projects on both campuses that are not quite complete yet. It will be neat to spend the first two weeks with everyone just getting into the swing of things :) Please be in prayer for me as I travel. I have already had so much peace and God has been awesome, as always! :) I cant wait to get there! I will let you know when I arrive safely :) Love and blessings ><>
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My week in Sarnia is just about done. Its been a good one and a busy one! I have been so blessed with many opportunities to fellowship. Swimming at Lynda's, an "old small group" BBQ, lunch at Stokes with a bunch of friends and of course the "Little Piggy Picnic" that was organzied by the Womans Ministry at Lighthouse to welcome me home and raise funds for LeadTime. There really are no words to express how greatful I am for friends that truly love me and the support that they show....
Today I have a few last minute things to do like print my tickets and make a few phone calls. Then I have the awesome privilege of spending the day with Phil and Lora. I hear Phil really wants to feed me lol, (he is a cook, an awesome cook). I am really looking forward to catching up with them. Then from there I head out! I take a train from Sarnia-London. The Robert Q from London-Toronto Pearson and then fly out tomorrow morning. Its going to be a long trip and I will sooo be ready for bed tomorrow night.....hopefully the adrenaline kicks in, which I am sure it will!! :)
Friday, August 8, 2008
Update
I can hardly believe that in 4 days from now I am going to be in Branson! It seems like just yesteday I started the application process. I am so anxious to get there though!The last few days in Sarnia have been interesting ones. I have spent time with several friends and got some errands done. Yesterday I went to Port Huron and while I was there a bomb threat closed down the Blue Water Bridge. After spending a few hours at a friends house we got word the bridge was re-opened so we headed back. Earlier the traffic was lined up for hours but we didnt hit any at all. Thank you Lord!
Today I am going swimming, to a BBQ and have an appointment for an eye exam. Tomorrow is going to be really fun because Becky is having a lunch for me at Stokes and then Lighthouse is having a "Little Piggy Picnic" :)
I was talking with Amy yesterday and there is still no word on my visa, so prayers that that comes through soon would be appreciated. If it doesnt come back before I leave I will have to go as a visitor and wait until it is processed, so not a big deal I can still arrive legally on the 13th :) Thanks for reading and I'll write more soon :)
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
I Made it to Sarnia!
I arrived safe and sound in Sarnia yesterday about 1pm. I was very tired, as it had been a long trip but I still went to Port Huron, and spent the evening with some friends visiting. It was good times!Today I have some phone calls to make, candles to deliver and some visiting. Which of course is the best part of all of that :) Love to see old friends :)
I have already taken alot of pictures! Here is the link to them
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Beautifully Hard
There was a time in my life when although I knew in my head that I was loved, I had a difficult time knowing it in my heart. I have been through a lot of healing, a lot of growing up and have changed so much in the last year. The most amazing thing that has come from that change is the new very overwhelming awesome understanding that I am truly and deeply loved by so many amazing people.It didn’t take to long after walking into church this morning to get teary eyed. I was sure that I was feeling “strong” and was going to be able to hold myself together. YA right! Anyone that knows me, knows I get emotional at times like these. Although it’s not that pretty (a.ka. tears and snot lol), I am thankful that I feel so deeply and wouldn’t change it for the world.
So like I was saying it all started when I first arrived. I got a very warm embrace from Aunt Glenda and some encouraging words that right now I don’t remember, but that’s ok because I know they spoke to my soul. After the service I received many hugs and loving words. Everyone so genuinely embraced me and I could just feel the love in such an intense way. It was awesome.
Of course when I left home, my Dad cried, and so did I. And so did my Mom, even though she was driving me to the bus station J Shortly after we got there Aunt Glenda pulled up to join my Mom in seeing me off. We took some picture and had a few good laughs. It hadn’t even crossed my mind but Aunt Glenda said “OK lets have a prayer” so we did. In the middle of the bus station lot, the 3 of us hand in hand talking to Jesus. And it was beautiful.
My sister lives 15 minutes down the road from where I caught the bus. I spent Friday night with her and the kids and got all my hugs and kisses in. Before I left though she said she would be on the corner with the kids so they could all wave goodbye. The bus goes through her town right by her house. Sure enough they were there, I could see them a few blocks away and the lump in my throat started lol. As I drove by there they all were, Melanie, Chad, Travis, Nicholas and Rocky the husky. Blowing kisses (well Rocky wasn’t lol) and waving like crazy. It was the perfect ending to my day….it was also hard….but it was so beautiful.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Last Night At Home
I have been home for 6 months and its already my last night here! I cant believe how fast the time has flown! Its been a good time at home with my family and I am very greatful the Lord directed my steps here for this time.I spent the night with Mel and the kids last night. We went golfing, rented a movie, and stayed up way to late lol..but it was really nice to hang out with them for a while. Chad was pretty upset last night and I was hoping that this morning when it was time for me to leave that I wouldnt have 3 crying kids begging me to stay! Its hard enough to leave in the first place, it makes it harder when they are all upset. I was very happy when I got a good share of hugs and kisses and no tears :) It was perfect. Of course when I pulled out of their driveway I cried! LOL
So now I am finishing up a couple little tasks, planning on getting a good night sleep tonite :) , will go to church and get some visiting in tomorrow afternoon.....and in about 24 hours the journey begins!!
The detailed account
I left Sarnia on the train as planned on Tuesday evening. Then caught the Robert Q from London straight to the airport. Everything went really well with that part :). When I got to the airport I went exploring, since it was my first time ever in one. I was sort of not impressed actually...had to walk 6 miles to find a little girls room lol. But it was still neat. So I spent the night mostly just sittin there thinkin' bout stuff :). I tried to get comfy at one point by kind of lying on top of my suitcase, and I did drift off for about 20 minutes....
I left Sarnia on the train as planned on Tuesday evening. Then caught the Robert Q from London straight to the airport. Everything went really well with that part :). When I got to the airport I went exploring, since it was my first time ever in one. I was sort of not impressed actually...had to walk 6 miles to find a little girls room lol. But it was still neat. So I spent the night mostly just sittin there thinkin' bout stuff :). I tried to get comfy at one point by kind of lying on top of my suitcase, and I did drift off for about 20 minutes....
So at 4am I decided I might as well go freshen up and get ready to go through security. took my After I had put myself together, I was sooo lost. I knew which gate I had to be at, I had no clue I had to print my own ticket, and was really confuzed that there was this whole row of Air Canada agents (which my flight was air canada), and I had to go the United Airlines counter....ya I had nooooo clue lol...but I finally figured it out and made my way to customs. I went through the first part of customs and the guy sent me to this room for "further questioning." That didnt sound good. When I went in there they fingerprinted me and took my picture. I waited for about 20 minutes and then got called up by an immigration officer. He asked me all kinds of questions about where I was going, why I didnt have a return ticket (I think that really messed me up) what I was doing, who I was staying with, if I knew the people or not. Because of the nature of what I was doing he wanted to know which church I attend. So I said Lighthouse. Havent been here for a while lol, but its still my home church right now. Then he wanted proof of membership.....technically I am not a member. When I told him that all he said was "mmmm" and went on to other stuff. I knew I was toast at this point. And by this point I was late to board my plane. So it was more and more questions after that. Then he told me that because I did not have more correspondence on me from LeadTime, and because I couldnt prove church membership I was being denied entrance into the US. He walked me back out the lobby right in the middle of everyone waiting in line for customs. It was humiliating. And scary to. But I held it together the whole time I was being questioned. But I just had to cry lol....and I headed right to the bathroom to do so! lol...After I had my moment lol, I went out to the lobby, starting to think what my next move was going to be. I had remembered reading the sign at the Robert Q terminal the night before that said there was a bus that left the airport to go back to London at 8am. It was just after 7 so I got on the phone right away. Still not being able to control the water coming from eyeballs LOL. I was soooo tired and sooo upset I couldnt help, and didnt really care who saw me lol. When I called Robert Q they said I had to go the Robert Q counter at the airport to see what they had available. So I did and I got on at 8. At that point I didnt even care how I was going to get to Sarnia from London. I just wanted out of there lol. So I tried to calm down more and then called my Mom. She answered the phone kinda panicky when she saw it was my number because I was supposed to be on the plane. I thought I was going to be able to hold it together to tell her but I couldnt, and didnt lol. She looked up trains for me and there was one at a decent time leaving from London, so I decided to do that. So I went to the train station in London where thankfully I was able to get online and talk to Amy and a few others. Amy said she would write a letter whih all the info I needed. So once I get that printed out, and some sort of info about my church involvement I should be good to go. I honestly do not want fly and have the possibility of going through that again and losing more money. What I think I am going to do is go through customs here, and then catch a train from Port Huron. It will take me a whole day to get there, but thats nothing new for me! :)
I am hoping that I can leave on Sat or Sun at the latest. Depends on when I can get a train.
Thanks for all your prayers and concerns. It means so so much to know I have people out there thinking about me and praying for me. I wouldnt be able to do this without your support. I will write more as I get more info. Blessings and hugs!! :)
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. To give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all you do and He will guide your steps. Proverbs 3:5-6
A man plans his steps in his heart, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9
Thank God for His word that can comfort, encourage, and give life in times of uncertainty! I left last night to catch my flight to Kansas and I am now back in London, waiting to catch the train back to Sarnia. Unfortunately I was denied access to the US. I was so upset when the immigration officer stamped the big "denied." It was not only humiliating but scary. And those emotions happened before I even realized I would be missing the first part of LeadTime!
I was able to speak to Amy a little on facebook this morning and she is going to write a letter for me. Hopefully that will work to get me there. So hopefully by the end of the week I can get there, or at least by the very beginning of next week.
I dont know about flying this time......my first flying experience wasnt the greatest one....lol
Please keep me in your prayers as I try to get there :)
Burnt, Bloodshot, Bitten, Broke Down....BLESSED
Well I finally arrived home from Erie Beach on Sunday at 2pm after leaving the campgrounds at 830am on Saturday morning. I was sorta in rough shape by the time I arrived! About 1/2 hour down the road from camp the van died.....we were towed, fixed, sent on our way.....then 1/2 an hour more down the road the van died again.......this time we were towed, saved by some friends off the side of the road, fed while the van was once again being fixed, and sent on our way. Then about 1/2 an hour down the road once again the the old beast decided to sputter a few times lol...thankfully this time it was a quick change of somthing and we were on our way again. That time we made it all the way home with no problems. Thank God! I spent the night at my sisters that night because we didnt get in until 3:30am...by the time I got there my mosquito bites were driving me nuts, my eyes were bloodshot and I was sunburnt because I had packed my sunscreen away, not expecting to need it while standing on the side of the 401! It was quite the adventure and at times a little frustrating. Throughout the whole ordeal though I couldnt help but be thankful for how blessed I am. We had a cell phone to call help, it wasnt very warm, it wasnt raining....we had the privelage of traveling in the first place! I was sooo blessed by the hospitaility that our "side of the road heros" showed us! It was awesome just to have somewhere to sit down, have a bite to eat and relax for a bit. I am truly blessed!
So now I am back home for about 2 weeks and I am getting all my last minute plans in place. Yesterday I purchased my plane ticket and today I took care of my heatlh insurance, which I got a very good deal on. I also had the first half of my TB test done. So things are coming together very well. Hopefully I can be done most everything by the end of the week so I can spend some quality time with my family before I leave. Then its off to Sarnia for a few days to do some last minute shopping and catch up with old friends! Cant wait! :)
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I finally arrived in Branson on Monday morning! Its now Tuesday night and I am finally getting a chance to blog. Its been crazy busy and I must admit a little stressful. Although at the same time its been fun. The whole group just got back from a "tourist nite" in the big city of Branson. We went to the thrift store earlier today with the mission of finding a "touristy" ensemble to wear out....not knowing where we were going! There was quite the array of outfits! I ended up with a hawaiian shirt and a fanny pack. Did I mention we were also going for crazy outrageous totally dorky? lol....ya gotta love the fanny pack. We ended up seeing a magic show which was awesome. At the end of the show the magician, Kirby, spoke a bit about how no one can read minds, do tricks etc etc that its all just illusion and that the only one with all the power is God. He then went on to share about the light of Jesus through a light trick. It was really cool....and funny that I actually am in Christian Vegas! :)My biggest struggle so far has been feeling like I dont quite fit as nicely as I would like to. I guess thats partly my personality and something I am really trying to work on.....but it seems as though everyone is alot closer to everyone else then I am.....I am trusting God that he is going to use this struggle to help me grow and learn to live in better community.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
What a crazy week!! Tuesday night/Wednesday morning at the airport seems like a lifetime ago!Friday night I came across the border at Port Huron and made it into the States with NO problems. The only thing the customs officer asked was where I was going. Then he punched in my passport info and sent me away with a "have a nice day." It was so easy I couldnt have asked for it to be easier. It was such a God thing! I was all armed with my papers from LeadTime and Pastor Glenn and didnt need any of it. Thank you Lord!
So when I got over the bridge I was planning on taking the train the next morning from Port Huron. When I went online to book a ticket it was sold out until Tuesday! So Lea and I got online and started looking at other options. We found a Greyhound from Detroit to Springfield MO. It wasnt going to be as comfy as the train but it was going to help me avoid transfers, motels rooms and it is going to get me nice and close to Branson. So, this afternoon (Sunday) Lea and Becky are driving me to Detroit and are going to see me off. I will arrive in Springfield tomorrow morning at 8am and someone from LeadTime will pick me up there. YAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!
Cant wait to get there! I will write more when I get there and get settled in...Thanks for all your prayers and support!!!
Seek First
I have always been the kind of person who when I cant do something to the standard I think I should I get frustrated and give up. Someone pointed out to me a few weeks ago that that is actually a very strong characteristic of a perfectionist. I had honestly never thought of myself as a perfectionist because I fail often and perfectionist are "perfect" people arent they?.....oh the irony lol.....
Although I havent been able to name it in the past, this has always been a huge struggle in my Christian life. If I miss one day of devotions I get discouraged and then miss another and another....and before I know its been 3 weeks before I have even picked up my bible or had a good heart to heart with Jesus. If I dont follow through with responsibilities in what I consider a perfect way, I just give up and dont bother.
When I first came back home to the north the first of the year I had all these great plans to lose all kinds of weight and get myself healthy and in shape before I went to LeadTime. In my mind I needed to be ready to "fit in" to the mold I imagined I needed to be in. Well, it hasnt exactly happened that way. I have made some progress but I am by no means where I wanted to be at this point of the journey. So several weeks ago when I realized I was once again failing by my standards I started to get really upset and beat myself up over it. I pretty much thought well I might as well just eat whatever and be lazy cuz I cant do it anyway. And to be honest, thoughts of my failure and fear of going to LeadTime "this way" were consuming my thoughts. It was pretty much all I thought about and didnt even have room to be excited about one of the most exciting chapters of my life.....to make a long story short, satan was robbing my joy!!!! Actually, I was really just handing it over to him, choosing to believe the lies he was telling me.
So now, day by day, I am making the choice to focus on JESUS. Not to focus on what I havent accomplished, or the lack of perfection as I see it in what I do accomplish. And especially not to focus on my fears about LeadTime. I am so blessed to have this opportunity, I dont want it to be a fearful, anxious one. I want to focus on the good. I want to truly seek first His Kingdom and have all the rest added. I am done handing over my joy to satan!!!!
That being said, I do still have some serious work to do. I have to get my phyiscal self in better working order. There will be days I will fall, and days I will be encouraged. But through all those days I will CHOOSE to focus on my Saviour, and not on myself. I will find joy in knowing that Jesus LOVES ME....he loves me when I succeed and he loves me when I fail...its almost impossible to really wrap my head around it. He also loves me to much to leave me where I am and I believe, based on the Word that as I seek Him and focus on Him, I will be set free!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
1st Prayer Request!
I recieved this email from Amy at LeadTime yesterday...
The application is submitted!!! (for my work visa) Yea!!!!!!! Hopefully we'll have a quick and easy approval process. I'll keep you updated. If you want to do the port of entry check, you will have to arrange that at your airport once the visa has been approved.Also, if I understand correctly, you can arrive up to 10 days before you are scheduled to begin here.Woo Hoo!!!Talk to you soon!Amy
So now we wait! :) Not sure how long it will take to be approved but prayer for favor and a quick appproval process would be much appreciated :) I'll keep you updated
Blessings and hugs!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Times a' flyin!
I still remember as a little kid thinking adults were nuts when I would hear them say how fast time flies. WHAT?? It takes forever for my birthday to come, for Christmas to come....nevermind all that big stuff, it took forever for the weekend to come!....Then I got a bit older.....66 days left....and they are probably going to be some of the fastest 66 days of my life! :)
Things are coming together really well the last couple of weeks though. I have printed up letters, stuffed envelopes and stamped a whole bunch of them...never spent so much mola on stamps before lol
Although my tickets are not purchased yet (just waiting on a few small details) I pretty much have my travel itineray worked out. I was originally going to fly right into Springfield MO but after doing some research it is considerably cheaper to fly into Kansas City, so that is what I am going to do. My route will be Toronto - Chicago -Kansas. Then I will have to take a shuttle from there....havent quite got that one figured out yet! lol
Amy at LeadTime in Colorado (the current head office) has been working on my visa and gathering some info from me the last couple of days. Things like which consulate I want to go through, passport info and where I want my inspection...yikes! lol...I opted for an inspection in Toronto...somehow it doesnt seem as intimidating in my own country!!! lol...not that I have any reason to be intimidated lol
I have a busy week ahead of me. I am heading to New Liskeard for a 3 day conference on Crisis Intervention taught by a professor from Queens University. It should be really good, and I am looking forward to it. I will get to spend some time with the girls at work as we are all staying in town, going shopping and just hanging out. Then when I get back I work night shift all weekend. So I wont get much done this coming week.......I will have to really get going the week after......by then the countdown will be in the 50's!!! But I cant wait :)
Its A Miracle!!!/Closer Then We Think
Friday, June 27, 2008
Its A Miracle!!!
I have not always been the best sleeper, but ever since my teens years when I can sleep I SLEEP! Its been nothing for me in the past to sleep in until 2 in the afternoon.....or later lolThis has been one of my concerns when it comes to LT becuase its a very disciplined structured environment and there aint no sleepin' till 2 in the afternoon! So I decided about a month ago that even if it killed me I was going to start getting up by 8am every day. And at the same time I started to pray for strength in this discipline, because I really truly wanted to be done with my bad sleeping habits. The first couple weeks was hard, and I although I had alot of help from the Lord, I knew that it had to be my decision to get up.
Starting into the 3rd and 4th week I started to wake up more regularly always at the same time. And admittingly, I would try to go back to sleep but I couldnt. No matter how hard I tried I couldnt go back to sleep....and deep down I was happy about that.
That was about 6 weeks ago, and still without fail I wake up every morning and actually WANT to get out of bed!!
Now, I have been waking up every morning at 8am. I was thinking to myself the other day that when I get to LT I will be able to adjust pretty easily to getting up an hour earlier, because regular weekday wake up time is 7am....and then it occured to me that Branson is an hour behind Matheson......so I already am in the perfect shedule that I need to be!
I think its amazing how the Lord is preparing me in so many ways for this year that He has called me to. It may seem silly to other people, but the Lord knows my heart and knew it was a concern, so He helped me and prepared me even more then I asked Him to. My faith has increased alot in the last several months as I have seen the ways He has worked and prepared my heart...He is such a great God!! and I am so excited to see and experience the things that He still has planned.....I couldnt sleep even if I wanted to!! :)
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Closer Then We Think
This is a very exciting time for my little teeny hometown of Matheson. A missionary team consisting of 2 people from Romania, one from Bulgaria and one who is from Iroquouis Falls (a town close to Matheson) have come to minister, be ministered to and join together with the saints here to intercede for our town. This is amazing to me because (1) I have always had the mindset that the western world goes to the eastern world as missionaries.....and I suppose at one time that was true, but all we have to do is look around and we can see that we are less of Christian nation then we were 100 years ago...I am thankful that this "boxed" mindset of mine has been broken.....and (2) of all places they came to Matheson! This place is small...like no stoplights, everything closes down by 6pm small lol. But God in his awesome soveriegnty sent missionaries from across the world! AWESOME!For the couple weeks they are here, they will be responsible for most of the services and last night we had a bible study. There were a couple things said that stirred my excitement about LeadTime. Renaud, the leader of the team and the one who is from Iroquois Falls, shared an example from scripture where Paul has several people on his team with him that are from different nations. When Renaud was planning this trip he felt that the team members would be from different nations. On their team they have 3 countries represented. He spoke of how there is a special confirmation of God's work when we have the opportunity to come together with other nations in worship, prayer and hear testimony from others. Its amazing when we can relate to someone so intimately because of their relationship with Jesus, even though they live in such a different culture.
Months ago when I first inquired about my visa with LeadTime Amy told me that it was the year of the "internationals." LeadTime has only ever had students from the states and this year there are 3 students from other countries. There is me :), Dorothy from Uganda and one other student that I am not sure who it is or where they come from lol. I was very excited when I heard this, and when I heard Renaud speak last night with such an excitement about God bringing together different cultures, it got me kind of stirred up and even more excited! But I am not even sure that either of the other international students are going to be on the campus I will be on! I hope so though, it would be a really neat experience.
The other thing that stirred my heart was a scripture he shared about Paul. The bible says that for a time Paul stayed in a certain place to make tents because he had that trade ( I need to find it cuz I missed the reference lol). But basically the idea behind the scripture was that Paul took time to work likely providing some of his needs to travel and share the gospel. At that moment I felt very connected to Paul, and the Word was very real. When I was in Sarnia I worked but I didnt work with the intent of using my money to minister. It was a means of survival, mental health, all those reasons that healthy people work, excluding the purpose of ministry. And that was ok for that season, but now I am working with a different goal in mind. The purpose of my effort, the whole reason I am working where I am now is to prepare for the ministry that God has called me to.......just like we are so closely connected with our brothers and sisters all the way across the world who have a different culture and a different way of life, we are so closely connected with even those that were here 2000 years or so ago......its so evident that we all serve the same Lord and have the same purpose in mind....even though some people make tents and some people are social workers
T Minus 97 Days/My First Assignments
T Minus 97 Days!!
Courtesy of the fun little countdown thing on facebook (lol) the countdown to LeadTime has started! :) I hadnt even thought of a countdown until Shannon suggested it, and I thought it was a great idea!Well I got back from my Sarnia/Collingwood week long adventure on Monday and although I am starting to get very excited, the reality of that fact that LeadTime is only 97 days away is starting to sink in! There seems to be alot to get done in the next short while, and days seem to be disapearing at a crazy rate! lol
Please pray that I would have the discipline to complete the tasks that I need to. I also need some help in the time management area. Especially when I end up working several shifts in a row (they are 12 hour shifts ) it seems like I run out of time reallllly fast!! :)
I am getting together some info for Amy at LeadTime who is applying for a visa for me, so please pray that everything would go well with that and it would come through with no problems.
Thanks for praying and thanks for reading!
My First Assignments!!
I always love getting parcels in the mail, and today was especially exciting when I recieved two books and a welcome letter from the staff at LeadTime. These books are be read in the next several weeks before I arrive on campus and will be discussed in the first few weeks and throughout the year. Its been a few years since I have had homework (lol) but I am excited to dive in...and its kinda neat to think that my fellow classmates are also reading the same books and preparing as well.
One of the books is called "The Master Plan of Evangelism" by Robert E. Coleman forward by Billy Graham. It looks like a really good read. The other book is "Everybody's Normal Till You Ge To Know Them" by John Ortberg. I am going to read this one first cuz it looks GOOD!! And with a title like that! how can I resist!
How it all started....Feb 08
When I was first a Christian at 17, I was ready to take on the world and give my all for Jesus. I was a little firecracker, or at least I felt like I was! I instantly started looking into ways that I could serve, thinking that I would end up on the mission field and really wanting to go to some sort of discipleship training. It seemed though, that every time I started to seriously think about it, it wouldnt work out and I would end up doing something else. At times this frustrated me because I really felt like I was supposed to be a part of one of these discipleship schools. Yet at the same time, even though that was always in the back of my mind, wherever I was at the time the Lord always confirmed to me, that for that time, I was just where I needed to be.
A couple years ago, after a string of wrong decisions, and life circumstances I found myself in a place where I was questioning who Jesus really is. Even now that seems impossible to me, but I was definitly there. I was beat down, broken, questioning whether or not I would ever fullfill my purpose in this life, all at the same time wondering if this Jesus that I had so desperately loved and sought after at one time, was even who He said He was. There were many messages, many blessings, and probably many prayers I dont even know about in that difficult time that enabled me to hold on to Jesus no matter what. Yes, I was doubting, doubting big time, but I refused to let go, reflecting on a time when I knew that I knew that I knew....and holding onto faith that once again someday I would KNOW.
It was a hard, dark place to be in but just as He promises in His word the Lord brought me out of that and used every minute of it for good, and I am so greatful for the experience and that I once again do KNOW :). Jesus showed himself to me in a way I had never experienced before, and the desire to live for Him was all of a sudden coming from a place of deeper understanding of just really how futile and worthless things of this world are, and how truly awesome God is and how much he loves me. I have found that a fervor to serve the Lord is alot different when you are in a place of literally having nothing else to count on, then when you still have "backup" happiness. There are stories in the bible of how God tested people, and how He allowed them to be tested. I definitly feel like I have been tested and through the testing was refined to be exactly where I need to be at this very moment in time. God knew that I would hold on for dear life and not let go of Him or else He would not have allowed me to be tested as I was. If I had not gone through that I dont believe I would be prepared for what is coming next in my life.
So, how all this ties into LeadTime lol.....years ago when I had the desire to do somthing like LeadTime it was definitly the Lord placing that desire in my heart. But because He knows all :), He knew that I was no where near ready at that time go. I had alot of lessons to learn, alot of priorities to get straight, and yes I'll admit it alot of growing up to do :)...who doesnt at 17 though LOL. If I had gone at that time I am sure it would have been amazing. But God has absolute perfect timing when we allow Him to direct our paths.
When I started to fall in love with Jesus all over again after that trial in my life, I ended up once again starting to think about going for a discipleship training. So, I started to do some research and this time came across the LeadTime website. It took me a few months to finally apply but with some loving encouragement I did! :) And on February 12th of this year I was asked to be a part of LeadTime!
I am very excited that this dream I have had for so long is finally going to become a reality!
I am so thankful that the Lord led me down the path that He has. I would not change one step of it. I have sooooo much more to learn, and LeadTime is all about learning!! but for this time I have learned what I needed to learn to be prepared exactly as I needed to be. My heart and my life are lined up just right to get the absolute most out of this adventure in order to effectively serve God by serving others, fullfilling my purpose day by day, and ultimately bringing glory to my Redeemer who so deserves it!
A couple years ago, after a string of wrong decisions, and life circumstances I found myself in a place where I was questioning who Jesus really is. Even now that seems impossible to me, but I was definitly there. I was beat down, broken, questioning whether or not I would ever fullfill my purpose in this life, all at the same time wondering if this Jesus that I had so desperately loved and sought after at one time, was even who He said He was. There were many messages, many blessings, and probably many prayers I dont even know about in that difficult time that enabled me to hold on to Jesus no matter what. Yes, I was doubting, doubting big time, but I refused to let go, reflecting on a time when I knew that I knew that I knew....and holding onto faith that once again someday I would KNOW.
It was a hard, dark place to be in but just as He promises in His word the Lord brought me out of that and used every minute of it for good, and I am so greatful for the experience and that I once again do KNOW :). Jesus showed himself to me in a way I had never experienced before, and the desire to live for Him was all of a sudden coming from a place of deeper understanding of just really how futile and worthless things of this world are, and how truly awesome God is and how much he loves me. I have found that a fervor to serve the Lord is alot different when you are in a place of literally having nothing else to count on, then when you still have "backup" happiness. There are stories in the bible of how God tested people, and how He allowed them to be tested. I definitly feel like I have been tested and through the testing was refined to be exactly where I need to be at this very moment in time. God knew that I would hold on for dear life and not let go of Him or else He would not have allowed me to be tested as I was. If I had not gone through that I dont believe I would be prepared for what is coming next in my life.
So, how all this ties into LeadTime lol.....years ago when I had the desire to do somthing like LeadTime it was definitly the Lord placing that desire in my heart. But because He knows all :), He knew that I was no where near ready at that time go. I had alot of lessons to learn, alot of priorities to get straight, and yes I'll admit it alot of growing up to do :)...who doesnt at 17 though LOL. If I had gone at that time I am sure it would have been amazing. But God has absolute perfect timing when we allow Him to direct our paths.
When I started to fall in love with Jesus all over again after that trial in my life, I ended up once again starting to think about going for a discipleship training. So, I started to do some research and this time came across the LeadTime website. It took me a few months to finally apply but with some loving encouragement I did! :) And on February 12th of this year I was asked to be a part of LeadTime!
I am very excited that this dream I have had for so long is finally going to become a reality!
I am so thankful that the Lord led me down the path that He has. I would not change one step of it. I have sooooo much more to learn, and LeadTime is all about learning!! but for this time I have learned what I needed to learn to be prepared exactly as I needed to be. My heart and my life are lined up just right to get the absolute most out of this adventure in order to effectively serve God by serving others, fullfilling my purpose day by day, and ultimately bringing glory to my Redeemer who so deserves it!
Original LeadTime Blog 1 & 2 February 2008
I have accepted the offer for a one year contract with Doulos Ministries, and will be participating in a discipleship training program called LeadTime starting this August. This blog is where I am going to share my experiences, prayer requests and just general things throughout the year to keep all my family, friends and supporters up to date on whats going on. So if your curious about what I am up to, or how you can pray here's where to find out! :)
LeadTime is a one year discipleship program for young adults ages 21-30. It is for those looking for missional life training and is intended to prepare you for the next level of serving God. LeadTime is intended to nurture godly character in the particpant, as well as develop practical ministry skills so that you can be a servant leader in any environment whether that be ministry or career.
This is achieved through 3 main components. There is a formal study time, opporunity to serve, and the experience of belonging to community.
The study time includes topics such as Knowing God, Knowing Ourselves and Understanding Ministry. These classes are taught by staff and leaders from the community.
The main serving component is with high risk teens at the residential care facility Shelterwood located on the same campus as LeadTime. LeadTimers are considered "Bigs" while on campus and the teens are "Littles." Bigs mentor and support Littles while they are at Shelterwood in treatment. LeadTimers not only learn in the classroom what it means to serve, they have the opportunity to live that out and learn in a practical way what it means to serve and love like Jesus.
Community is unvoidable at LeadTime! :) LeadTimers work, study, live, learn and play together in very close quarters! This opens up a unique opportunity to develop deep relationships rare in todays world. A real life iron sharpening iron experience!
For further info check out http://leadtime.org/
That site has alot of info and explains in more detail the concept and purpose of the program.
Blessings!
LeadTime is a one year discipleship program for young adults ages 21-30. It is for those looking for missional life training and is intended to prepare you for the next level of serving God. LeadTime is intended to nurture godly character in the particpant, as well as develop practical ministry skills so that you can be a servant leader in any environment whether that be ministry or career.
This is achieved through 3 main components. There is a formal study time, opporunity to serve, and the experience of belonging to community.
The study time includes topics such as Knowing God, Knowing Ourselves and Understanding Ministry. These classes are taught by staff and leaders from the community.
The main serving component is with high risk teens at the residential care facility Shelterwood located on the same campus as LeadTime. LeadTimers are considered "Bigs" while on campus and the teens are "Littles." Bigs mentor and support Littles while they are at Shelterwood in treatment. LeadTimers not only learn in the classroom what it means to serve, they have the opportunity to live that out and learn in a practical way what it means to serve and love like Jesus.
Community is unvoidable at LeadTime! :) LeadTimers work, study, live, learn and play together in very close quarters! This opens up a unique opportunity to develop deep relationships rare in todays world. A real life iron sharpening iron experience!
For further info check out http://leadtime.org/
That site has alot of info and explains in more detail the concept and purpose of the program.
Blessings!
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