Seek First

I have always been the kind of person who when I cant do something to the standard I think I should I get frustrated and give up. Someone pointed out to me a few weeks ago that that is actually a very strong characteristic of a perfectionist. I had honestly never thought of myself as a perfectionist because I fail often and perfectionist are "perfect" people arent they?.....oh the irony lol.....

Although I havent been able to name it in the past, this has always been a huge struggle in my Christian life. If I miss one day of devotions I get discouraged and then miss another and another....and before I know its been 3 weeks before I have even picked up my bible or had a good heart to heart with Jesus. If I dont follow through with responsibilities in what I consider a perfect way, I just give up and dont bother.

When I first came back home to the north the first of the year I had all these great plans to lose all kinds of weight and get myself healthy and in shape before I went to LeadTime. In my mind I needed to be ready to "fit in" to the mold I imagined I needed to be in. Well, it hasnt exactly happened that way. I have made some progress but I am by no means where I wanted to be at this point of the journey. So several weeks ago when I realized I was once again failing by my standards I started to get really upset and beat myself up over it. I pretty much thought well I might as well just eat whatever and be lazy cuz I cant do it anyway. And to be honest, thoughts of my failure and fear of going to LeadTime "this way" were consuming my thoughts. It was pretty much all I thought about and didnt even have room to be excited about one of the most exciting chapters of my life.....to make a long story short, satan was robbing my joy!!!! Actually, I was really just handing it over to him, choosing to believe the lies he was telling me.

So now, day by day, I am making the choice to focus on JESUS. Not to focus on what I havent accomplished, or the lack of perfection as I see it in what I do accomplish. And especially not to focus on my fears about LeadTime. I am so blessed to have this opportunity, I dont want it to be a fearful, anxious one. I want to focus on the good. I want to truly seek first His Kingdom and have all the rest added. I am done handing over my joy to satan!!!!

That being said, I do still have some serious work to do. I have to get my phyiscal self in better working order. There will be days I will fall, and days I will be encouraged. But through all those days I will CHOOSE to focus on my Saviour, and not on myself. I will find joy in knowing that Jesus LOVES ME....he loves me when I succeed and he loves me when I fail...its almost impossible to really wrap my head around it. He also loves me to much to leave me where I am and I believe, based on the Word that as I seek Him and focus on Him, I will be set free!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

1st Prayer Request!

I recieved this email from Amy at LeadTime yesterday...

The application is submitted!!! (for my work visa) Yea!!!!!!! Hopefully we'll have a quick and easy approval process. I'll keep you updated. If you want to do the port of entry check, you will have to arrange that at your airport once the visa has been approved.Also, if I understand correctly, you can arrive up to 10 days before you are scheduled to begin here.Woo Hoo!!!Talk to you soon!Amy
So now we wait! :) Not sure how long it will take to be approved but prayer for favor and a quick appproval process would be much appreciated :) I'll keep you updated
Blessings and hugs!

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Times a' flyin!

I still remember as a little kid thinking adults were nuts when I would hear them say how fast time flies. WHAT?? It takes forever for my birthday to come, for Christmas to come....nevermind all that big stuff, it took forever for the weekend to come!....Then I got a bit older.....

66 days left....and they are probably going to be some of the fastest 66 days of my life! :)

Things are coming together really well the last couple of weeks though. I have printed up letters, stuffed envelopes and stamped a whole bunch of them...never spent so much mola on stamps before lol

Although my tickets are not purchased yet (just waiting on a few small details) I pretty much have my travel itineray worked out. I was originally going to fly right into Springfield MO but after doing some research it is considerably cheaper to fly into Kansas City, so that is what I am going to do. My route will be Toronto - Chicago -Kansas. Then I will have to take a shuttle from there....havent quite got that one figured out yet! lol

Amy at LeadTime in Colorado (the current head office) has been working on my visa and gathering some info from me the last couple of days. Things like which consulate I want to go through, passport info and where I want my inspection...yikes! lol...I opted for an inspection in Toronto...somehow it doesnt seem as intimidating in my own country!!! lol...not that I have any reason to be intimidated lol

I have a busy week ahead of me. I am heading to New Liskeard for a 3 day conference on Crisis Intervention taught by a professor from Queens University. It should be really good, and I am looking forward to it. I will get to spend some time with the girls at work as we are all staying in town, going shopping and just hanging out. Then when I get back I work night shift all weekend. So I wont get much done this coming week.......I will have to really get going the week after......by then the countdown will be in the 50's!!! But I cant wait :)