When I was first a Christian at 17, I was ready to take on the world and give my all for Jesus. I was a little firecracker, or at least I felt like I was! I instantly started looking into ways that I could serve, thinking that I would end up on the mission field and really wanting to go to some sort of discipleship training. It seemed though, that every time I started to seriously think about it, it wouldnt work out and I would end up doing something else. At times this frustrated me because I really felt like I was supposed to be a part of one of these discipleship schools. Yet at the same time, even though that was always in the back of my mind, wherever I was at the time the Lord always confirmed to me, that for that time, I was just where I needed to be.
A couple years ago, after a string of wrong decisions, and life circumstances I found myself in a place where I was questioning who Jesus really is. Even now that seems impossible to me, but I was definitly there. I was beat down, broken, questioning whether or not I would ever fullfill my purpose in this life, all at the same time wondering if this Jesus that I had so desperately loved and sought after at one time, was even who He said He was. There were many messages, many blessings, and probably many prayers I dont even know about in that difficult time that enabled me to hold on to Jesus no matter what. Yes, I was doubting, doubting big time, but I refused to let go, reflecting on a time when I knew that I knew that I knew....and holding onto faith that once again someday I would KNOW.
It was a hard, dark place to be in but just as He promises in His word the Lord brought me out of that and used every minute of it for good, and I am so greatful for the experience and that I once again do KNOW :). Jesus showed himself to me in a way I had never experienced before, and the desire to live for Him was all of a sudden coming from a place of deeper understanding of just really how futile and worthless things of this world are, and how truly awesome God is and how much he loves me. I have found that a fervor to serve the Lord is alot different when you are in a place of literally having nothing else to count on, then when you still have "backup" happiness. There are stories in the bible of how God tested people, and how He allowed them to be tested. I definitly feel like I have been tested and through the testing was refined to be exactly where I need to be at this very moment in time. God knew that I would hold on for dear life and not let go of Him or else He would not have allowed me to be tested as I was. If I had not gone through that I dont believe I would be prepared for what is coming next in my life.
So, how all this ties into LeadTime lol.....years ago when I had the desire to do somthing like LeadTime it was definitly the Lord placing that desire in my heart. But because He knows all :), He knew that I was no where near ready at that time go. I had alot of lessons to learn, alot of priorities to get straight, and yes I'll admit it alot of growing up to do :)...who doesnt at 17 though LOL. If I had gone at that time I am sure it would have been amazing. But God has absolute perfect timing when we allow Him to direct our paths.
When I started to fall in love with Jesus all over again after that trial in my life, I ended up once again starting to think about going for a discipleship training. So, I started to do some research and this time came across the LeadTime website. It took me a few months to finally apply but with some loving encouragement I did! :) And on February 12th of this year I was asked to be a part of LeadTime!
I am very excited that this dream I have had for so long is finally going to become a reality!
I am so thankful that the Lord led me down the path that He has. I would not change one step of it. I have sooooo much more to learn, and LeadTime is all about learning!! but for this time I have learned what I needed to learn to be prepared exactly as I needed to be. My heart and my life are lined up just right to get the absolute most out of this adventure in order to effectively serve God by serving others, fullfilling my purpose day by day, and ultimately bringing glory to my Redeemer who so deserves it!
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