Trust in the LORD and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
And your judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him;
Yup there is it! Took me a few months to get it but I finally got it! :)
I have been so focused on how to get out of here and what I am going to do when I leave that I have lost the beauty behind why the Lord led me home in the first place......to dwell in this land, for this time, and to cultivate faithfulness.
There is no question that it has been and probably will continue to be difficult to be here. But I need to remember that sorrow and suffering are companions that my sweet Lord has picked for me with purpose and intent....that intent, although much deeper then I understand I am sure, can all be wrap up in a short little statement....the cultivation of my faith.
I am a dictionary.com addict (lol) and after I was reading this verse today and "got it" I had to look up cultivate. The definition is "to prepare and work on (land) in order to raise crops." WOW....in this case I think land could be replaced with heart.
The next part of the verse--Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart--has been a favorite of mine for years. In light of the verse before it though, and what it now means for me I like it even more. The Lord is preparing and working on me, cultivating me, getting me ready for some sort of crop again lol :) And as I surrender to Him and just let Him do the work that needs done on my heart He will give me the desires of my heart. Exciting!!
The next part that really stuck out to me, even though the whole thing was awesome, is the last part that says REST in the Lord and wait PATIENTLY for Him. I have been doing everything BUT resting, trying to figure out the perfect plan for what is next. Should I go here, should I go there, what country, what city...aaaaahhhhhhhh! I am driving myself crazy lol.
All He wants me to do is REST in the truth of who He is...........allow the CULTIVATING to take place as I seek Him and literally dwell here lol........and trust that my He will GIVE me the desires of my heart....what an amazing Father I have :)
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Better Late Then Never
For a lot of my year at Doulos, the Lord spoke to me about going for counseling. Even though I wanted to, there were many excuses I came up with for not going. I never got around to it...
Turns out I have access to free counseling through work. If that aint a clearcut sign I dont know what is! I was a lot more intimidated to call and do my "intake" then I thought I would be. I am usually not to afraid to share if someone asks, but I really do have fear about this. I know the Lord will use it for His glory and my benefit. It will be painful I am sure but anything worth fighting for is not easy.
My intake consisted of my name, DOB, and company name. LOL....and I was intimidated. Oh boy lol. The actual counselor will call me within a few days to set up an actual appointment. We shall see how this goes....
Turns out I have access to free counseling through work. If that aint a clearcut sign I dont know what is! I was a lot more intimidated to call and do my "intake" then I thought I would be. I am usually not to afraid to share if someone asks, but I really do have fear about this. I know the Lord will use it for His glory and my benefit. It will be painful I am sure but anything worth fighting for is not easy.
My intake consisted of my name, DOB, and company name. LOL....and I was intimidated. Oh boy lol. The actual counselor will call me within a few days to set up an actual appointment. We shall see how this goes....
Monday, November 16, 2009
Cozy Comfy
Last week, sort of out of nowhere, I got this idea in my head that I was going to move into the spare bedroom in my parents basement. Since I have been home, I have slept in the rec room. What I didnt realize was that in a lot of ways that was not a good situation. I had never really settled in, didnt have my own space really and didnt feel like I was surrounded by my own things. I didnt know it was bothering me until I was just about moved in.
I spent two days emptying the bedroom, reorganzing the rec room with all the things from the bedroom, painting the bedroom and then moving my things in. And it looks amazing! I have my own space, my own closet lol, my own little sanctuary where I can just be. I can just be still before the Lord and wait on Him. I have a "prayer closet" again and it has done amazing things in my heart.
Being home is still hard, still a struggle, yet I am so thankful for this roof over my head and now my own room, my own space and my little refuge form the world. Thank you Lord for the many blessings.
I spent two days emptying the bedroom, reorganzing the rec room with all the things from the bedroom, painting the bedroom and then moving my things in. And it looks amazing! I have my own space, my own closet lol, my own little sanctuary where I can just be. I can just be still before the Lord and wait on Him. I have a "prayer closet" again and it has done amazing things in my heart.
Being home is still hard, still a struggle, yet I am so thankful for this roof over my head and now my own room, my own space and my little refuge form the world. Thank you Lord for the many blessings.
The pic really doesnt do it justice!! I should have taken a "before" because it looks soo much better!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Catching the Wave!!
I am going on a cruise!!!
March 6-13 2010 I will be on a cruise ship that will be leaving Ft. Lauderdale FL, going to the Grand Caymen Islands, Roatan Honduras, Cozumel Mexico, Princess Cays Bahamas and then back to Florida! I am SSOOO excited!!
Not only is it a cruise though! There will be a conference with Heidi Baker and her husband. Heidi and her husband Roland have worked in Mozambique Africa for several years and run two orphanages. It will be incredible to hear them speak for a week and sit under their ministry..
AND...even more then that the group that registers to be a part of the conference will have the opportunity to participate in an outreach while the ship is docked in Honduras!! I am SO pumped!
March 6-13 2010 I will be on a cruise ship that will be leaving Ft. Lauderdale FL, going to the Grand Caymen Islands, Roatan Honduras, Cozumel Mexico, Princess Cays Bahamas and then back to Florida! I am SSOOO excited!!
Not only is it a cruise though! There will be a conference with Heidi Baker and her husband. Heidi and her husband Roland have worked in Mozambique Africa for several years and run two orphanages. It will be incredible to hear them speak for a week and sit under their ministry..
AND...even more then that the group that registers to be a part of the conference will have the opportunity to participate in an outreach while the ship is docked in Honduras!! I am SO pumped!
Provision
The week before I went to Toronto I had two interviews at the agency I currently work for. I got a call only a few days later to let me know that I was not the succesful candidate for the 3 contracts I had interviewed for....BUT...because of other people moving to different jobs, it created an opening for a temporary full time contract that I was offered! YAY!
I was not feeling completely ok with taking a contract that I knew was going to last for a year or longer (the contracts I did not get), so being offered this temporary contract is perfect. I feel alot more ok with leaving in the spring having not signed any sort of time specific contract....and I can work full time until I leave!
Just another testament to how awesome God is! I have been provided full time income without being tied down!
I was not feeling completely ok with taking a contract that I knew was going to last for a year or longer (the contracts I did not get), so being offered this temporary contract is perfect. I feel alot more ok with leaving in the spring having not signed any sort of time specific contract....and I can work full time until I leave!
Just another testament to how awesome God is! I have been provided full time income without being tied down!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Refreshment
I am so thankful that the Lord knows exactly what I need, exactly when I need it!
I had a great time in Sarnia and Toronto last week and in a lot of ways had hope restored to my heart.
First and definitly most beneficial I was able to spend a lot of time with Jesus. There were literally hours of time set aside at the conference I attended to just be in His presence. Although as a believer I strive to spend time in His presense daily, reality is that doesnt always happen. It was great....I was encouraged and the spark of hope in my heart regained some strength.
I was also able to spend time in community. Hard to believe, and not very healthy, but something I have not done since LeadTime was done. I had conversations about what the Lord is doing in my life and the life of others, good laughs, encouragment and even some very honest feedback on my scattered thought process of what to do next. Namely--DONT move back to Sarnia! LOL--I was thankful that people love me and appreciate my journey enough to be honest with me and share wisdom. It would be easy to go back to safety, but safe is not neccesarily what is best and what the Lord wants for me.
Another thing was good for me last week was just being out of Northern Ontario. I grew up here and a part of my heart will always love and appreciate this place, it is my home. But, it doesnt seem to really fit who I am anymore.
It was a great trip and exactly what I needed!
I had a great time in Sarnia and Toronto last week and in a lot of ways had hope restored to my heart.
First and definitly most beneficial I was able to spend a lot of time with Jesus. There were literally hours of time set aside at the conference I attended to just be in His presence. Although as a believer I strive to spend time in His presense daily, reality is that doesnt always happen. It was great....I was encouraged and the spark of hope in my heart regained some strength.
I was also able to spend time in community. Hard to believe, and not very healthy, but something I have not done since LeadTime was done. I had conversations about what the Lord is doing in my life and the life of others, good laughs, encouragment and even some very honest feedback on my scattered thought process of what to do next. Namely--DONT move back to Sarnia! LOL--I was thankful that people love me and appreciate my journey enough to be honest with me and share wisdom. It would be easy to go back to safety, but safe is not neccesarily what is best and what the Lord wants for me.
Another thing was good for me last week was just being out of Northern Ontario. I grew up here and a part of my heart will always love and appreciate this place, it is my home. But, it doesnt seem to really fit who I am anymore.
It was a great trip and exactly what I needed!
Saturday, October 3, 2009
wee little update
I have been home from LeadTime for 33 days, and I think it is just starting to sink in. It's incredible to me how fast time can fly! It seems like just yesterday since I first came across the Shelterwood website...and that was two years ago!
When I first got home, I took a week and tried to settle in. I could have gone back to work right away but on the advice of my incredible boss, I waited. I tried to rest. I couldnt. I guess its hard to immediately switch over from insane long hours to a more normal lifestyle! It was an incredibly productive week though. I spent two days putting all my things into one storage place (they had been stored in two different places), and at the same time I went through everything to get rid of junk that I did not need. It was fun because I forgot about a lot of really nice things I own and it sort of felt like Christmas. It was also good for a laugh because I kept some pretty ridiculous things lol.....it felt good to to de-clutter and get rid of stuff.....I felt it reflected in a lot of ways partly what LeadTime had been for me....throwing out a bunch of junk I was holding onto!
Today I am at work, and there is not one single resident here. It is soo quiet but so nice!! Since I started back we have been really busy. I think that has been a blessing in disguise for me because it has eased the transition a bit. But today I spend the day with me and my Lord. I have some books, my journal and a goal of organizing my thoughts. According to a "Strengths Finder" test we did at LT once, my #1 strength is "Intellection" which basically means I am a thinker and to spend a day with my thoughts is going to be glorious!! lol...it can also be my biggest weakness though!
When I first got home, I took a week and tried to settle in. I could have gone back to work right away but on the advice of my incredible boss, I waited. I tried to rest. I couldnt. I guess its hard to immediately switch over from insane long hours to a more normal lifestyle! It was an incredibly productive week though. I spent two days putting all my things into one storage place (they had been stored in two different places), and at the same time I went through everything to get rid of junk that I did not need. It was fun because I forgot about a lot of really nice things I own and it sort of felt like Christmas. It was also good for a laugh because I kept some pretty ridiculous things lol.....it felt good to to de-clutter and get rid of stuff.....I felt it reflected in a lot of ways partly what LeadTime had been for me....throwing out a bunch of junk I was holding onto!
Today I am at work, and there is not one single resident here. It is soo quiet but so nice!! Since I started back we have been really busy. I think that has been a blessing in disguise for me because it has eased the transition a bit. But today I spend the day with me and my Lord. I have some books, my journal and a goal of organizing my thoughts. According to a "Strengths Finder" test we did at LT once, my #1 strength is "Intellection" which basically means I am a thinker and to spend a day with my thoughts is going to be glorious!! lol...it can also be my biggest weakness though!
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