Hinds Feet

These pictures made me think of Hinds Feet on High Places!

I remember imagining a small little precipice as I read the book but it was not this small in my head! Pretty amazing! 

The Lord GOD is my strength,
         And He has made my feet like hinds' feet,
         And makes me walk on my high places.

Habukkuk 3:19

The Buffalo Bill Dam on the Shoshoni River at Cody , Wyoming

The Clouds Shall Come....

Last night at work I was very bored!! and ended up searching completely random things on Google. I came across this picture of some storm clouds in Branson and thought it was pretty cool. It was taken in June 2009 and its pretty likely that if I wasn't already in the basement crying I wanted to be!

So then the computer went off and I was able to curl up on the couch....not to think of the "random" picture again...until the power went out and the surveillance system messed up and......well, I had a couple hours before my shift was over to think..and God brought this picture to mind again....

I faced a lot of fear in those clouds, both in the literal sense and also in my heart. God was so faithful to do life changing things in my heart through those clouds. Always encouraging to re-visit that part of my journey. It didn't start in Branson and it sure didn't end there either, but what a sweet time it was. 

And for today.....well there are still so many lessons in the clouds. Although my sister and I were stuck driving through a pretty nasty storm a few weeks ago it was nothing compared to a Missouri storm! So, on that front things are very calm! 

As for my heart, the storm rages on in full force. And, the feelings I would have in the past if I knew bad storm clouds were coming are so similar to the feelings raging on in my heart. Fear, dread, urgency....and I just want it to be OVER. I just want the clouds to go away and the sun to come out. 

Thankfully I know from experience that there is much to be learned in the clouds, character to be built, dependence to be deepened, and love to be revealed..

Random picture? Not exactly....a reminder close to my heart in many ways that although the storm rages on and the clouds seem to be to much to handle....God is faithful to be with me right in the middle of it all and walk me through to the sunshine on the other side.....and I have a feeling the sun will be even brighter this time..it always is. 

Psalms 37

Trust in the LORD and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
And your judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him;

Yup there is it! Took me a few months to get it but I finally got it! :)
I have been so focused on how to get out of here and what I am going to do when I leave that I have lost the beauty behind why the Lord led me home in the first place......to dwell in this land, for this time, and to cultivate faithfulness.
There is no question that it has been and probably will continue to be difficult to be here. But I need to remember that sorrow and suffering are companions that my sweet Lord has picked for me with purpose and intent....that intent, although much deeper then I understand I am sure, can all be wrap up in a short little statement....the cultivation of my faith.

I am a dictionary.com addict (lol) and after I was reading this verse today and "got it" I had to look up cultivate. The definition is "to prepare and work on (land) in order to raise crops." WOW....in this case I think land could be replaced with heart.

The next part of the verse--Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart--has been a favorite of mine for years. In light of the verse before it though, and what it now means for me I like it even more. The Lord is preparing and working on me, cultivating me, getting me ready for some sort of crop again lol :) And as I surrender to Him and just let Him do the work that needs done on my heart He will give me the desires of my heart. Exciting!!

The next part that really stuck out to me, even though the whole thing was awesome, is the last part that says REST in the Lord and wait PATIENTLY for Him. I have been doing everything BUT resting, trying to figure out the perfect plan for what is next. Should I go here, should I go there, what country, what city...aaaaahhhhhhhh! I am driving myself crazy lol.

All He wants me to do is REST in the truth of who He is...........allow the CULTIVATING to take place as I seek Him and literally dwell here lol........and trust that my He will GIVE me the desires of my heart....what an amazing Father I have :)

Better Late Then Never

For a lot of my year at Doulos, the Lord spoke to me about going for counseling. Even though I wanted to, there were many excuses I came up with for not going. I never got around to it...
Turns out I have access to free counseling through work. If that aint a clearcut sign I dont know what is! I was a lot more intimidated to call and do my "intake" then I thought I would be. I am usually not to afraid to share if someone asks, but I really do have fear about this. I know the Lord will use it for His glory and my benefit. It will be painful I am sure but anything worth fighting for is not easy.
My intake consisted of my name, DOB, and company name. LOL....and I was intimidated. Oh boy lol. The actual counselor will call me within a few days to set up an actual appointment. We shall see how this goes....

Cozy Comfy

Last week, sort of out of nowhere, I got this idea in my head that I was going to move into the spare bedroom in my parents basement. Since I have been home, I have slept in the rec room. What I didnt realize was that in a lot of ways that was not a good situation. I had never really settled in, didnt have my own space really and didnt feel like I was surrounded by my own things. I didnt know it was bothering me until I was just about moved in.
I spent two days emptying the bedroom, reorganzing the rec room with all the things from the bedroom, painting the bedroom and then moving my things in. And it looks amazing! I have my own space, my own closet lol, my own little sanctuary where I can just be. I can just be still before the Lord and wait on Him. I have a "prayer closet" again and it has done amazing things in my heart.
Being home is still hard, still a struggle, yet I am so thankful for this roof over my head and now my own room, my own space and my little refuge form the world. Thank you Lord for the many blessings.

The pic really doesnt do it justice!! I should have taken a "before" because it looks soo much better!

Catching the Wave!!

I am going on a cruise!!!

March 6-13 2010 I will be on a cruise ship that will be leaving Ft. Lauderdale FL, going to the Grand Caymen Islands, Roatan Honduras, Cozumel Mexico, Princess Cays Bahamas and then back to Florida! I am SSOOO excited!!

Not only is it a cruise though! There will be a conference with Heidi Baker and her husband. Heidi and her husband Roland have worked in Mozambique Africa for several years and run two orphanages. It will be incredible to hear them speak for a week and sit under their ministry..

AND...even more then that the group that registers to be a part of the conference will have the opportunity to participate in an outreach while the ship is docked in Honduras!! I am SO pumped!

Provision

The week before I went to Toronto I had two interviews at the agency I currently work for. I got a call only a few days later to let me know that I was not the succesful candidate for the 3 contracts I had interviewed for....BUT...because of other people moving to different jobs, it created an opening for a temporary full time contract that I was offered! YAY!

I was not feeling completely ok with taking a contract that I knew was going to last for a year or longer (the contracts I did not get), so being offered this temporary contract is perfect. I feel alot more ok with leaving in the spring having not signed any sort of time specific contract....and I can work full time until I leave!

Just another testament to how awesome God is! I have been provided full time income without being tied down!